ICM Library Foundation
Notes from "Eight Steps To Happiness."
This helps us overcome being to occupied with our own self-cherishing, our own self-concern and mistaken belief that we are very important and that the whole of existence orbits around us.
Any techniques to help over come inflated egotism (self-cherishing) are always useful to learn. For example, if we spend a little time each day thinking about other people and what it actually must be like to live their lives, then we are well on the way to developing a mind of love and compassion. The next idea helps us towards this.
Simply put yourself in anothers shoes. For example, if somebody pushes past you in a queue or snatches the last bread roll from the bakery, instead of getting upset or angry, we may stop our habitual way of responding and try to think "Hey! That person must really need to do that. They must have some inner motivation to behave like that, so I won't allow myself to respond negatively. What must it be like to be that person?"
By thinking in this way, then we begin to learn the art of exchanging our own self-view with another persons. This leads to many good qualities, such as patience, tolerance, and the ability to understand another person, which are all healthy attitudes to foster.
This technique can be used when in any energetic, mental, emotional, or physical 'battle'. Simply allow the other person the victory! Then there is no longer any fight, and we return to our mind of peace and happiness. By offering the victory to the other, we actually disengage from the conflict. We simply disengage from that persons problems. We learn to 'bow out' gracefully, and that persons problems and behaviour fail to bother us. If the person is nasty, mischievous, or attention seeking, then we firmly know that, once we have mentally given them the victory of the battle that they wish to win, it is no longer our problem. We can firmly know that it is their problem and thus not our concern.
I believe that most of the "self-cherishing", the "defences of inflated egotism", are not displays or characteristics of self-love, they are actually the symptoms of "self-hate, self-loathing, inadequecy, and feelings of worthlessness."
by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso.
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