Om Aham Mani Foundation
The Battle For Attention And Energy Within The Family.
One thing we must understand is that the ordinary family is a battlefield for attention and that every family member - consciously or unconsciously - must adopt certain behavioral strategies to deal with this battlefield. These behavioral strategies fall under four broad headings:
The categories can be paired with their opposite number:
We will find these pairs turning up again and again in all co-dependent relationships.
Why is there a battle for attention? Because, generally the family members have not received an education regarding forming and maintaining their own inner center - their own inner life. This "lack of inner center" appears throughout society and the family is a nucleus for its development. Alternatively, the family could be a nucleus for the development of an inner center if people are educated correctly for the "Art of Successful Living."
The reality concerning the adoption of these strategies to gain attention is that we all use all four in differing amounts in most situations.
For example, the mother who demands full attention from all her family members and becomes very angry when this demand is not met, is using the Tyrant strategy. She then retreats into stony and angry silence thus forcing her family to attend to her - this is the aloof strategy.
Once we understand these strategies, then we can learn to better cope with them - in ourselves and in others.
The first step to overcoming these strategies is humility. Being humble enough to know and admit when we are using them. If we do not cultivate this humility then our lives will go vastly wrong and we will create pain and suffering for everybody around us.
Continuing The Battle For Attention Outside Of The Family Scenario.
The learned behavior of the family situation can then become an integrated part of the developing personality. For example. the victim of the family becomes a victim of all other circumstance - a victim of the world. And likewise for the other types. Generally, the learned strategic behavior can not operate successfully for very long outside of the family. The family tyrant may indeed become the victim if they exhibit this behavior in the work place. Likewise, the family aloof may find themselves completely ignored by folk outside the family.
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