The second question

Question 2

OSHO, I HAVE DROPPED ALL MY ATTACHMENTS; BUT STILL SUBTLE ATTACHMENTS REMAIN. I AM EVEN ATTACHED TO NON-ATTACHMENT, TO NO-MIND, TO NO NO-MIND. I AM AWARE OF THE SUBTLE EGO. HOW SHOULD WE GO BEYOND THIS VICIOUS CIRCLE?

Anand Virago,

IT is a great blessing that you are aware of it, of the vicious circle. It is one of the most significant things, to be aware of it. Only after that can something be done -- or undone. But there are many people who are not aware of it, even people who have risen to great heights of spirituality, who are almost enlightened -- just one step more and they will be Buddhas. But the last step is certainly, and obviously too, the most subtle one.

It is easy to drop the mind; it is difficult to drop no-mind; and it is very very difficult to drop no no-mind, because the mind is a very cunning fellow -- it goes on creating itself again and again. It goes on receding: you drop the mind, it becomes the no-mind; you drop the no-mind, it becomes the no no-mind, and so on and so forth, AD INFINITUM. You drop your attachments, it becomes attached to the very idea of non-attachment. You drop out of the world, you renounce the world, now it clings to the very idea of renunciation. But the clinging remains. It goes on changing its object of clinging, but it continues to exist.

Just the other day I received a long letter from Holland from one of our most beautiful sannyasins, Amrito. He went to see J. Krishnamurti, and J. Krishnamurti behaves almost like a bull when he sees my sannyasins. The red color... and he simply loses all his enlightenment! That's why in Spain I have so few sannyasins: the bulls don't like it!

The moment he saw Amrito attired in his sannyasin dress he became furious. For one and a half hours continuously he spoke against clinging to the Master. Amrito was laughing at the whole thing -- why was he so disturbed? He could see his love, his compassion, his effort to help him, but he could also feel that there was something more to it; he couldn't figure out what it was. What hc could not figure out is J. Krishnamurti's clinging to the idea of non-clinging. He is still very serious about it.

My sannyas is a non-serious phenomenon; it is really very light-hearted. It is given in love and laughter and it is received in love and laughter. It is not the old idea of sannyas -- of serious people, anti-life, anti-love, trying to escape from the world. It is not escapist at all. On the contrary, I teach my people to BE in the world -- and as totally as possible and as passionately as possible and as intensely as possible.

But Krishnamurti has carried a wound throughout his long life. He was brought up by Theosophists and from his very childhood he was taught a thousand and one rules, because they were bringing him up with a certain idea: that he is going to be the World Teacher, that he is going to be the new Christ, the Messiah, that it is through him that the world is going to be redeemed -- he is no ordinary person. They were preparing him as a vehicle so that God could descend in him and he could become a mouthpiece for God. Of course, tremendous discipline was needed and he was almost tortured.

There were two brothers, Krishnamurti and Nityananda; both were being prepared. Nityananda died -- and my own feeling is that he died because of too much discipline: fasting, yoga, and so many occult and esoteric processes they had to pass through. And they were very young, very tender. Krishnamurti was only nine years old. They had to get up early, three o'clock in the morning, and the training would start.

And the man who was in charge, Leadbeater, was a hard taskmaster. Not only was he a hard taskmaster, he was also a homosexual person. And it is a well-known fact that his interest in small children was basically sexual. He was found in very compromising postures with Krishnamurti too!

Those wounds have remained. Krishnamurti cannot forgive Leadbeater. Half a century has passed, or more; Leadbeater is dead, the whole Theosophical movement is dead, but those scars of Master and disciplehood, of training, surrender, obedience, have not left Krishnamurti yet. They have become very subtle as time has passed. For almost fifty years he has been fighting against ghosts which are no more in existence. He goes on boxing in the air with ghosts which are non-existential.

My sannyas and my existence are so new to him he cannot understand it -- he has not made any effort to understand it. For one and a half hours he was hammering o4 Amrito: "This is the most dangerous thing that you have done. Never become a disciple to anybody! Don't cling to a Master!"

Politely, many times Amrito reminded him that "I am not clinging to anybody. And my Master is not in favor of clinging: he gives us total freedom. It is out of freedom that we are with him, and any moment we decide not to be with him... he does not create any guilt because of that."

But he won't listen. He cannot understand this NEW phenomenon: a new kind of relationship between the Master and the disciple, the relationship which is not a relationship of dependence of any kind.

You are not clingers to me, you are not enslaved by me. My effort here is to help you to be free, to be totally free. I am included in that freedom. You have to be free of all, and I am included in that all. And if you are still with me it is not because you are dependent on me; it is because you are grateful for such a freedom. Who will not love a relationship which is basically rooted in freedom?

Relationship becomes ugly when it is not allowing you to be free, when it encages you, when it cuts your wings, when it chains your soul, when it does not allow you to be yourself. I am not imposing any rule on you, I am not forcing any discipline on you. My only message is of love, freedom and awareness.

But Krishnamurti was utterly deaf.

Amrito writes to me that "I came out with a headache." That is natural -- Krishnamurti himself suffers from headaches! For fifty years continuously he has suffered from headaches, severe headaches, not ordinary; for days they continue. Sometimes they become so serious that he wants to hit his head against the wall!

And the reason is that he has dropped everything -- as you say, Virago -- but now a new attachment has arisen in him, the attachment to non-attachment, clinging to non-clinging. He has attained to the state of no-mind, but he has not been able to drop that IDEA of no-mind.

And it is not going to help if you drop the idea of no-mind and then you become attached to no no-mind. It is the same game! It goes on becoming more and more subtle, and the more subtle it is the more dangerous, because you will not be able to see it. It will become so deep inside you that your consciousness will not be able to reach it. It Will poison your very source.

You tell me: I HAVE DROPPED ALL MY ATTACHMENTS...

Who has told you to drop all your attachments? The vicious circle starts there, in the dropping. Then you become attached to the idea of dropping. Then a new ego arises: "I have dropped all attachments." And suddenly you can see, and it IS GOOD that you can see, that "Now I am becoming attached to this idea. What to do now?" You can drop even THIS idea, and then you will feel even more happy, more proud. "Look!" You will thank yourself: "Virago, see! You have done the miracle. You have dropped even the idea of non-attachment." But now again it has come from the back door.

You ask me: HOW SHOULD WE GO BEYOND THIS VICIOUS CIRCLE?

Why start it in the first place? I am not telling you to drop attachments, I am telling you to just understand them. That's enough. Just see what your attachments are with no effort to drop them, with no judgment, no evaluation. Just see what they are. Whatsoever they are, they are there. What can you do? -- Just as you have eyes and hands and legs and a certain color of hair and skin, so your attachments are there. Accept them! In that acceptance the revolution begins.

The moment you accept your attachments and you start understanding them, with NO idea to drop them... Remember, if there is the idea to drop them behind your understanding, your understanding cannot be profound and total; that idea will be a hindrance. Why drop attachments? God has not dropped the attachment to his world  -- why should you drop your attachments to the world?

I have never dropped a single attachment in my life. I have seen them through and through, and by seeing through and through the miracle happens: suddenly you find the attachments are no more binding. They are there, but as far away as the horizon, and as non-existential as the horizon. They are no more binding on you. You can LIVE in the world and yet you are not OF the world.

And that's my whole vision of sannyas. Be a lotus leaf: in the lake and yet untouched by the water. Then there is no vicious circle. You create the vicious circle, and then you ask how to transcend it. And every effort to transcend it will be creating it again and again.