WHEN MY FRIEND IS AWAY FROM ME, I AM DEPRESSED;

NOTHING IN THE DAYLIGHT DELIGHTS ME,

SLEEP AT NIGHT GIVES NO REST.

WHO CAN I TELL ABOUT THIS?

THE NIGHT IS DARK AND LONG... HOURS GO BY...

BECAUSE I AM ALONE, I SIT UP SUDDENLY,

FEAR GOES THROUGH ME....

KABIR SAYS: LISTEN, MY FRIEND

THERE IS ONE THING IN THE WORLD THAT SATISFIES,

AND THAT IS A MEETING WITH THE GUEST.

MAN is not what he is; man has become what he is not; that's the root cause of his misery. He has gone astray from his being, he has become too involved in becoming.

To become means to become false. To become means to become that which you are not. To be is already the case. Man has not to become anything other than he is, he has to relax into his being and know the truth.

The truth is already given, the truth is not somewhere in the future. It is not a goal but the source. You are coming from truth. If you can find the source again you will know what truth is. You are not going towards truth; all going takes you farther and farther away from truth.

You must have heard the name of Radha. Mythologically she is known to be the most beloved woman of Krishna. He had many lovers; Radha was the suprememost. But historically there has never been any woman by the name of Radha, and in the ancient scriptures her name is not mentioned at all. It is an invention of later mystics, later sages, and it has tremendous significance; it will be good to understand it.

In Sanskrit there is a word, DHARA, which means the river moving from the source towards the ocean. If you reverse the word DHARA it becomes RADHA. Radha means the river moving towards the origin, not towards the ocean; radha is a metaphor. And one can be a beloved of God only if one turns the whole process of life -- from being a DHARA one becomes a RADHA, not moving towards the goal but going deeper and deeper down towards the source.

And the source is within you! The goal is without, the source, within. The source is your very being.

But mind is aggressive -- it wants to explore, it wants to go on adventures, it wants to know that which is not known, it wants to demystify existence. It wants to conquer, it is on a journey of conquest. Mind is masculine, basically masculine, and through the mind there is no way towards God.

One has to become feminine. One has to become receptive rather than being aggressive. One has to learn the art of relaxation rather than learning the strategies of how to conquer the world and the reality. Truth is not going to be a conquest, it is going to be a total surrender. One has to become a host, one has to open up, one has to be just a receptivity so the wind can come in, the rain can come in, the sun can come in. And just hidden behind the sun and the rain and the wind one day comes the Guest. And the Guest does not come from the outside, it arises within you. God is the Guest. But you have to be a host first, you have to learn the art of being a host. You have to become a welcome, you have to become a prayer, you have to become an invitation, and you have to become a waiting, an infinite waiting. If it takes ages for Him to come you have to wait, of course with tears in your eyes but with tremendous trust in the heart.

Kabir calls God the Guest because he wants the seeker to be the host. The masculine mind cannot become the host. The masculine mind can only become an aggressor; it knows how to snatch things away. The masculine mind is a doer, a great doer, hence the masculine mind gives birth to science; science is basically male.

Religion is female, and those who want to enter into the world of religion have to understand it very deeply because it is very fundamental. If you miss this point you will miss all. You have to become feminine. And when I say'feminine' I don't mean biologically; it is not a question of man and woman, it is not a question of physiology -- it is a question of your psychology. You may have the body of a woman and yet the psychology may be masculine.

That's what is happening now: many women are turning masculine, becoming more aggressive. In the name of liberation they are losing something infinitely valuable. For the mundane they are losing the contact with the sacred. The woman has always remained in a subtle way connected with the sacred. The woman has been the contact of mankind with God, but now she is becoming more and more masculine.

It is not a question of physiology, biology, remember; you may have the body of a man and you may have the psychology that I call feminine, receptive. Buddha is feminine if you look at his psychology, Jesus is feminine if you look at his psychology.

Friedrich Nietzsche was the first to point out the fact that Buddha and Jesus are 'womanish'. Of course he was criticizing, he was not appreciating the fact, but he was the first to point it out; he had that intuitive genius. He used his genius in a very wrong way; he would have become a Buddha himself, but he used his talents in a destructive way and released the greatest destructive force on the earth up to now.

Fascism, nazism are nothing but offshoots of Nietzsche's mind. He was very masculine, he appreciated the masculine mind: he appreciated the soldier not the sannyasin, he appreciated war not love, he appreciated swords not flowers, he appreciated destruction, murder, conquest. He did not appreciate the beauty of surrender, trust, love, friendship, no; those were not his values. He did not appreciate compassion, ecstasy, celebration, no; those were not his values. Hence he criticized Buddha and Jesus, more particularly Jesus. When he said Jesus is feminine he was condemning Jesus.

I also say Jesus is feminine, but I am not condemning him -- I cannot appreciate him more. To say Jesus and Buddha are feminine is the greatest appreciation possible, because they have become hosts, they have become open, vulnerable to existence. They have sent the invitation and they are simply waiting.

The way of Buddha is meditation, the way of Jesus is prayer, but these are simply different names for the same phenomenon. Meditation means becoming silent, utterly silent, becoming a no-mind, and prayer also means becoming a deep listening. What you think is prayer is not prayer. You think saying something to God is prayer? It is not prayer at all! What can you say to God, what have you to say to God? Real prayer begins only when you start listening to God, when you become utterly silent, just a listening; then meditation and prayer come very close. Meditation is silence and prayer too is silence -- just different names for the same phenomenon.

Jesus and Buddha are feminine, and that's what Kabir wants you to understand and to be. Kabir used to say of himself, "I am a woman married to God, God is my lover. I am fortunate that He has chosen me as his wife, as his beloved." He has sung many songs in which he says RAM KI DULHANIYA -- "I am wedded to Rama, I am wedded to God." Kabir is giving you tremendously important insights in his simple poetry.

The first thing to be understood is that becoming is driving you crazy. You are not to become anything, you are already that. You have to accept yourself and relax in that acceptance. The person who is trying to become something is bound to remain tense, naturally: the constant fear of whether he is going to make it or not, the constant fear of whether what he is doing is going to lead him to the goal or not, whether he has chosen the right path or not, the constant fear of whether he is doing enough to achieve or not, the constant fear that there are others who may reach before him. Becoming creates fear, becoming creates competition, and becoming drives you crazy, neurotic. Becoming takes you farther and farther away from your being.

Do not become... be, just be. Becoming is the root cause of all confusion, misery and anguish -- confusion because in fact you cannot become that which you are not. The rose can try as much as possible, but it is going to remain a rose, it can't become a lotus. The lotus can try hard, can practise all kinds of yoga exercises, but the lotus is going to remain a lotus, it can't become a rose. A rose is a rose and a lotus is a lotus. But the lotus is beautiful and the rose is beautiful and there is NO confusion, because the rose is perfectly happy in being a rose and the lotus is perfectly happy in being a lotus. Only man is miserable.

The only being who is miserable on the earth is man, because he is not happy in being himself; he wants to become something else. We have been brought up with this poison: "Become!" We have been driven by the society, by the church, by the parents, by the teachers: "Become!" Nobody says to us: "Be!" And if you can find a person who says to you, "Be!" that is the person to listen to, that is the real Master, because he is giving you the most fundamental thing. Through that vision you will be able to relax, and in relaxation there is clarity.

Confusion arises out of the idea of becoming because you become a duality -- that which you are and that which you would like to be. You become a duality and a great tension, and you have to deny your reality and you have to impose the unreal upon yourself. You become phony, you become pseudo, you become split. And what I am saying is not theoretical; you can look all around -- the whole humanity is split because everybody is trying to become somebody else. Somebody is trying to become a Christ, somebody else is trying to become a Buddha, somebody else is trying to become the richest man in the world, somebody is trying to become the president of a country, but becoming... in the name of religion also, becoming.

Then what is the difference between religion and the ordinary worldly affairs? If the worldly man is trying to become the richest man or the most powerful man, and the religious man also is trying to become somebody -- a Buddha, a Krishna -- then where is the difference? Both are in the same boat; the name of the boat is becoming.

The truly religious person is one who drops out of the whole trip of becoming, who relaxes in his being, who rejoices in his being, who says, "I am that" -- AHAM BRAHMASMI -- "I am already that"; ANA'L HAQ -- "I am truth, I am God." These are just expressions of being. The basic message is: "I am already that, so I need not try to become."

I have heard one of the most beautiful stories about a Hassid Master, Sosya.

About seven hundred years ago a great Master and mystic named Sosya, ripe with years and honors, lay dying. His students and disciples asked if he was afraid to die.

"Yes," he said. "I am afraid to meet my maker."

"How can that be? You have lived such an exemplary life. You have led us out of the wilderness of ignorance like Moses. You have judged between us wisely, like Solomon."

Sosya replied, "When I meet my maker, He will not ask, 'Have you been Moses or Solomon?' He will ask, 'Have you been Sosya?'" This is one of the most beautiful stories; meditate over it. Sosya says: "God will not ask me, 'Have you been Moses or Solomon?' He will ask me, 'Have you been Sosya?'"

And remember, God is going to ask you the same thing. He will not ask you, "Have you been Jesus or Buddha or Kabir?" He will simply ask you, "Have you been yourself?" -- and that is not happening, not to millions of people. They are all trying to be somebody else, something else; rejecting their beings they go on rushing towards some idea of becoming. They remain in confusion because they remain in duality, and they remain in misery because it is not possible; they are trying the impossible.

Remember, misery arises only when you try the impossible, because it can't happen in the nature of things and you want it to happen. You want two plus two to be five: you will be miserable unless you see the point that two plus two CANNOT be five. You may even believe for a few moments that they are five, but sooner or later the truth will reveal itself -- they are four. How long can you deceive, and what is the point of deceiving? You are simply wasting your life.

Don't try the impossible -- and becoming is trying the impossible. You cannot be anybody other than you are; let this idea sink deep into your heart. Let me repeat: you cannot be anybody other than you are, there is no becoming. All becoming is the world. Not to be a part of becoming is to be a sannyasin.

Who is a sannyasin? -- one who is no more worried about becoming somebody because he is absolutely attuned with his being, he knows who he is and he is happy in being that; one who is grateful in being that. Misery comes whenever you try the impossible, so whenever you are miserable remember: you must be trying something impossible.

Bliss is an outcome of simply being the natural. Bliss is not an achievement, it is a by-product of relaxing with yourself, of simply being that which you are. Then THIS very moment all misery can disappear, and THIS very moment there is bliss, and THIS very moment there is benediction... and the heavens open up and God starts showering. And suddenly, a great stirring is felt in the heart: one who has been asleep becomes awake.

Becoming is your sleep. Being is your Buddhahood, being is your awakening. And becoming creates anguish because you have to find ways and means, and everything fails, nothing ever succeeds. Nothing can ever succeed. Hence great anguish arises: your life, which could have bloomed in flowers, becomes only a bed of thorns.

But you are responsible and nobody else; it is your life, it is your responsibility. You have to take care about your being. And the greatest thing that can be said to you is: just be yourself. Carry no idea about how you should be -- drop all'hows', drop all ideas, drop all ideologies, drop all concepts, images of how you should be. You are already that! Start enjoying that which you are, and then this very ordinary life suddenly becomes extraordinary. Then these ordinary days have such tremendous poetry, then these ordinary moments are full of dance. Then these ordinary people are no more ordinary people; they turn into gods and goddesses. The moment you accept your being you accept everybody's being.

Why has this happened at all in the first place? And why only to man? Why not to the trees and the birds and the animals? Why are the Himalayan peaks so beautiful, and why are the birds on the wing so enchanting, and why do the trees have such splendor? Why has this disappeared from man's life? There is a reason, and it has to be understood.

Man is the only conscious being on the earth; that is his glory and that is his agony too. It depends on you whether it will be agony or glory. Consciousness is a double-edged sword. You have been given something so valuable that you don't know what to do with it; it is almost like a sword in the hands of a child. The sword can be used rightly, can protect, but the sword can harm too. Anything that can become a blessing can also become a curse; it depends how you use it.

Man is the only conscious being, and consciousness has two possibilities: either it can become God-consciousness  -- then it is a benediction, or it can become self-consciousness -- then it is a curse. And we have made it a curse. We have changed our consciousness into self-consciousness, we have created an ego out of being conscious. Rather than becoming aware of the organic unity of existence, rather than becoming aware of the orgasmic joy of existence, rather than becoming part of the universal, we have used our consciousness in separating ourselves from the universe, from existence, from life. Rather than making a bridge out of consciousness we have made a wall.

And that's what we are being taught continuously. Even modern psychology goes on teaching a very nonsense thing: that ego needs to be strengthened, that a man needs a strong ego because he has to fight in the struggle of life; if he has not got a strong ego he will be defeated by other strong egos. There is a point in it, it is true: if you don't have a strong ego you cannot be a politician, if you don't have a strong ego you cannot become very rich. You will have to fight tooth and nail for these things, you will have to fight madly, neurotically, fanatically. You will have to fight, utterly blind to what is happening. You have to go on rushing into the crowd, you have to risk everything; only then can you have much money, much power. But what is the point of having much money and much power?

In the first place they are not really needed to be happy, they are not really needed to be contented. Modern psychology goes on teaching people to have strong egos. Modern psychology in fact is still not yet modern, not modern enough; it is still persisting in the old ideology, the old ideas. It has a very long heritage; it has not been yet able to disconnect itself from the past. What the priests were saying in the past, now the psychologist is saying. He is simply repeating the same, with a new jargon of course, with more scientific terminology, which is dangerous. The priest is exposed now, the priest no longer has any power; the power has moved to the psychoanalyst, psychiatrist, psychologist. The psychologist is the modern priest, and he is doing the same stupid thing as the priests have been doing down the ages: "Have strong egos." The whole of education is based in giving you a strong ego.

And the problem is that the more strong an ego you have the more you are disconnected with existence, because the more you feel you are separate, the more you ARE separate. And to remain separate from existence creates fear, creates paranoia.

Why are people so afraid of death? Do you think they are really afraid of death? You may not have meditated over it. Nobody is afraid of death -- because how can you be afraid of something which you have not seen yet? You cannot be afraid of something which is unknown, you can only be afraid of something which is known. A child is not afraid of catching hold of a snake, a child is not afraid of putting his hand into the fire. Why is he not afraid?because he does not know! How can he be afraid of the snake? He has no past experience, no bitter experience. How can he be afraid of the flame? -- he has never been burned before. How can you be afraid of death? You don't know anything about death. Who knows? It may be a beautiful rest. Who knows? It may take you to a higher plane of life. Who knows? It may give you freedom from your body. Who knows? How can you be afraid of death? No, nobody is afraid of death; let me say it clearly.

But you will say everybody IS afraid of death, I know. There is something else in it: people are NOT afraid of death, they are afraid of losing their separation, they are afraid of losing their ego. Once you start feeling separate from existence the fear of death arises because then death seems to be dangerous. You will no longer be separate; what will happen to your ego, your personality? And you have cultivated the personality with such care, with such great effort; you have polished it your whole life, and death will come and destroy it.

If you understand, if you see, if you can feel and experience that you are not separate from existence, that you are one with it, all fear of death disappears because there is nobody to die inside you. In the first place there is nobody at all, existence lives through you.

Saint Paul says, "Not I, but Christ lives through me." And Christ says, "Not I, but God lives through me." They are expressing their non-separation, they are declaring that they are one with existence. Once you know that you are one with existence there is no death possible. For death to be possible first you have to create a private, personal life; then death becomes possible. YOU MAKE DEATH POSSIBLE by creating the ego; and the stronger the ego, the more will be the fear of death. Hence the most egoistic person is very very prone... deep down, trembling, afraid of death. The less the ego the less the fear of death.

That's why small children are not afraid of death -- their egos are not yet born. Animals are not afraid of death, they simply die; when death comes they die. When birth comes they are here, when death comes they are gone.

A person of true consciousness will come like the wind and will go like the wind. He will not leave any traces anywhere. He will not struggle with death, because he will not struggle with life itself. He will allow life to flow through him and he will allow death also to flow through him. Life is God's and death is God's; life is a manifestation, death is a rest.

And remember, if the fear of death disappears then all other fears disappear automatically, because all other fears are nothing but by-products of the main, basic fear -- the fear of death. Go into any of your fears and ultimately you will come to the rock-bottom, and that will be the fear of death. You are afraid of losing money? Go deep into it and you will find that money somehow gives you a feeling that you are more protected, that you can resist death more than the poor man; hence you are afraid of losing money. If you are powerful, politically powerful, it gives you an appearance, as if you have conquered death. Because you are so powerful over people's lives, it creates an illusion that you are powerful over your life too. It is a SHEER illusion, but it is maintained by your high post: you are the president, the prime minister, and millions of people look up to you  -- you are so important, how can existence afford to lose you? You are so important, how can life continue without you? You are so important that you will be needed; that gives you the feeling. Also, because you are so powerful over people, you can kill thousands of people.

Adolf Hitler killed millions of people, and those who have looked deeply into his mind are all convinced of one fact: that he was very much afraid of death. He was afraid of death, so much so that he never allowed anybody to be in his room in the night, not even the woman that he had fallen in love with once. Nobody was ever allowed to stay in the same room. He would lock the room, check everything, because while he was asleep somebody could kill him. Who knows? -- the woman he had fallen in love with may be just a spy. He never allowed anybody to come close to him, too close, he was so much afraid.

He got married only three hours before he was going to commit suicide; there was not even a chance for the honeymoon. In fact that was his honeymoon -- suicide. In the middle of the night the priest was called to marry him to the woman he had been in a kind of relationship with -- it could not have been of love, because a man like Hitler cannot love. They were married, and the next thing they did after marriage was that they killed themselves. Now there was no fear, he could allow the woman to come close -- he was going to commit suicide anyway. All was lost, the game was lost, the enemy had entered into the capital. He could hear the bombs exploding just close by; now there was no hope, he had failed. Now he could get married. For what? For twenty years he had been waiting, for twenty years the woman had been waiting, but he was so afraid of bringing anybody too close.

This man killed millions of people for stupid reasons. He killed Jews, MILLIONS of Jews, with this stupid idea: that it was because of the Jews that Germany -- the race, the country, the nation -- had fallen low; because of Jews the First World War had been lost. Now these are all stupid reasons, with no logic, no relevance. Jews had nothing to do with the First World War, they had nothing to do with the fall of the German race. Really, they had given the greatest geniuses that Germany has ever known: Karl Marx was a Jew, Sigmund Freud was a Jew, Albert Einstein was a Jew. In fact it was the Jews who were the cream, but he killed millions of Jews.

Deep down, it seems he was suffering from an inferiority complex. And deep down he was suffering from so much fear of death that he wanted to kill to convince himself that "If I kill so many people, if I can kill millions of people, then I am beyond death. I am so powerful."

A man who is afraid of death is dangerous, dangerous to himself and to others. And the fear arises out of a very fallacious beginning; the fallacy is that we think we are separate. But consciousness has that possibility. Man has been given such a potential power of being conscious that he has to be very careful how he uses it. Remember, if you move on plain ground there is no danger of falling; if you move in the mountains, if you go towards the peaks, there is great danger of falling. The higher you move, the danger becomes

more and more acute. Man is the only animal who is moving higher, at the peaks, towards the peaks. Consciousness is the mountain and we have to be very alert.

And that is the whole teaching of all the Buddhas and all the Krishnas and all the Christs, and that is the teaching of Kabir: be conscious, be so conscious that you don't create the self, be so alert that the self is not created at all. Self-consciousness is a dis-ease. Just consciousness is great freedom, liberation. By being just conscious, sooner or later you will become God-conscious. By becoming self-conscious, sooner or later you will lose even that small consciousness that lingers behind the self like a small tail; that consciousness will also disappear.

The ego will make you more and more unconscious. The ego will enclose you like a prison wall. It will not leave even windows in your being to look out through. It will make you a monad, a windowless, closed cell; you will be encapsulated by the ego. It is the ego that is the problem.

And hence I repeat again: the male mind is egoistic. You have to learn the way of the feminine, you have to become egoless, you have to learn the path of surrender. You have to learn how to melt into existence, how to become one with the rivers and the mountains and the clouds, how to feel affinity, attunement, at-onement. And then slowly, slowly you become a host. The day you are a host, the Guest comes.

God is not a hypothesis; religion does not propose any hypotheses. The hypothesis is part of the scientific world. A hypothesis means just an assumption to explain a few facts which cannot be explained without it. But a hypothesis is. always temporary: tomorrow we will find a better hypothesis, then we will discard this one. Hence science goes on discarding every day; better and better hypotheses are found and older ones are discarded. Now Newton is discarded because of Einstein, Sooner or later we will find a better hypothesis to explain the facts of the world. A hypothesis is just a way of explaining the facts; it is man-made. Facts are there and the mind wants to fix all those facts into a certain system because unless they are put into a certain system the mind feels uneasy, restless. Unless they are systematized, categorized, the mind feels very restless.

The mind is a great systematizer, it wants to systematize everything. Even when there is no system available, it invents one. The hypothesis is an invention of the mind, but all the time you know that it is only an assumption. You need not believe in a hypothesis, you only use the hypothesis.

God is not a hypothesis.

Then what is God? God is a hypostasis; it is an experience. It is not to explain anything, it is the experience of the unexplainable. I call it hypostasis; it cannot be changed, it is absolute, and it is not a belief. Those who believe in God, their God is a hypothesis; those who know God, their God is not a hypothesis but a hypostasis.

Kabir knows. What he is talking about is not an explanation, what he is talking about is an experience -- he is sharing his joy, he is sharing something that he has known, he is singing the song about the unsung. Remember it, that whenever Kabir talks about God it is not a belief; he knows it, it is his experience. Hc is talking out of his experience, hence he can be of immense help to you.

Those who believe cannot be of any help; they themselves don't know. If somebody says, "I believe in God," remember, he cannot be of any help to you. He himself is ignorant, hence the belief Find a man who says, "I know God. This is not my belief, but my experience." And the miracle is: if you know God, you are God. Knowing God, one becomes God. The old Upanishads say: Knowing God, one becomes that.

Kabir is talking as a God-realized man, utterly drunk. His songs are songs of a drunkard drunk on the divine, small, but of immense beauty. They may not be great literature -- they are not -- because he does not bother about the meter and the grammar and the language. These are not composed songs, these are outpourings of his joy; a drunkard dancing, singing. You can't expect formalities to be fulfilled. These songs are very small gems. The quantity is not the question, but the quality.

The original song begins:

SAI BIN DARD KAREJE HOY...

Without the beloved my heart aches, without the beloved my heart is nothing but pain, without the beloved I am living in hell.

SAI BIN DARD KAREJE HOY...

Without the beloved we are empty, hollow: negatives. Unless God enters into our beings, unless God blooms in our beings, we cannot be REALLY existential, we remain shadows. And it is painful, it aches, it hurts, it is like a wound.

WHEN MY FRIEND IS AWAY FROM ME, I AM DEPRESSED;

NOTHING IN THE DAYLIGHT DELIGHTS ME,

SLEEP AT NIGHT GIVES NO REST.

WHO CAN I TELL ABOUT THIS?

The helplessness of the mystic! On the one hand he has tasted something of God, he has seen a glimpse; now he hankers for more, now he does not want to leave that experience, that space, even for a single moment. But one cannot take hold of that space in one go. The experience is so tremendous, so huge, so enormous, that you cannot swallow it. You have slowly, slowly to imbibe it, you have to chew it and digest it.

God is an ocean -- you cannot drink Him. You will have to slowly, slowly become one with it.

Kabir knows, he has seen the face of the beloved. Now his heart is full of pain, the pain of separation. He has known the state of non-separation, maybe only for a few moments; for a few moments he has been transported to another world, he has tasted the nectar. Now he is back in the world, back to the earth, and it is very painful. The world seems to be pale, utterly meaningless, with no significance. His heart longs for the beloved, there is only one thirst -- again to be in that vast space, again to be with the Friend.

WHEN MY FRIEND IS AWAY FROM ME, I AM DEPRESSED;

NOTHING IN THE DAYLIGHT DELIGHTS ME.

Once you have known God then these so-called days are like nights. Once you have known God then this life is like death. Once you have known God then all the joys of this life are nothing but sorrows. Everything that you had thought before as very sweet turns sour; now you can compare.

If you have been to the Himalayan peaks and if you have seen that virgin silence, the coolness, the smell of the snow, that other-worldly something which still exists in the Himalayas... It is not so in the Alps; no other mountains have that, all other mountains are already polluted by man, all other mountains are already destroyed by man. Only the Himalayan peaks still have something very primitive, primordial, ancient, virgin. If you have seen that silence, then coming back to the marketplace, the heart longs... Nobody will be able to understand why you look so sad, nobody will be able to understand why your eyes are so full of tears, nobody will be able to understand why you don't enjoy.

To the man who has tasted God, the world becomes so futile, so utterly futile that he is here but he is not here; his heart continuously longs for God.

NOTHING IN THE DAYLIGHT DELIGHTS ME,

SLEEP AT NIGHT GIVES NO REST.

To know God is to know ultimate rest. Your sleep is not much of a rest. If you have known something of meditation you will understand what I mean when I say your sleep is not much of a rest. Your sleep is a new kind of restlessness, that's all; it is good for a change. In the day you are restless in one way, in the night you are restless in another way -- good for a change! It is a kind of rest. It is like you have been doing mathematics for three hours and you are tired, then you go into the garden and you dig a hole -- it is a kind of rest. In fact it is a new kind of work, but now, tired of mathematics, digging the hole feels good.

That's why in the schools, colleges, universities, we go on changing subjects; it is a kind of rest: one hour for mathematics, then another hour for geography, then another hour for history. We go on changing, because the part of the mind that functions when you are working on mathematics is not the part which functions when you are studying literature. There are different parts, different centers in the mind, so if one center starts functioning, the first center goes to sleep, has a kind of rest.

That's exactly what happens in the night. In the daytime your conscious mind functions and your unconscious remains hidden. In the night the conscious mind goes to sleep, the unconscious functions, but work continues, great work really, much work. Your blood circulates, work continues; your heart beats, work continues; your breathing continues, your digestion continues. A thousand and one things are going on in the body, and a thousand and one things are going on in the mind too. Dreams upon dreams are coming; and not only that, a part of your mind prevents everything from the outside, keeps it blocked so it does not disturb your sleep.

You want to get up early in the morning, at four o'clock; you fix the alarm and the alarm goes, but your mind is constantly working. It does not want you to be disturbed. The mind creates a dream: you start dreaming that you are passing a church and the church bells are ringing.... Now this is a way for the mind to protect your sleep. It misinforms you, misguides you, it changes the alarm into church bells. Great work is going on! The mind is guarding, seeing what has to be allowed and what has not to be allowed. And if something cannot be prevented, at least it can be interpreted in such a way that the sleep is not disturbed. It is constantly on guard, great work continues the whole night.

But if you have known meditation, then a few minutes of meditation can give you so much rest. Then your whole night will look like restlessness compared to that rest, because in meditation you are utterly relaxed, mind is not on guard, you are not focusing on anything. You are simply open and available, available to all kinds of things -- the birds singing, the airplane passing by, the train, the people, the traffic noise. You are available to all. Meditation is not concentration, meditation is not excluding anything; meditation is inclusive of all.

And then there is a great silence amidst all the noise around you, great rest amidst all the turmoil around you. Once you have known the rest of meditation even for few minutes, your whole night will look like restlessness. Comparison will arise. But one who has known God -- that means one who has known SAMADHI, the ultimate peak of meditation... It is natural, Kabir is right:

NOTHING IN THE DAYLIGHT DELIGHTS ME,

SLEEP AT NIGHT GIVES NO REST.

WHO CAN I TELL ABOUT THIS?

This is one of the greatest problems for the mystics: "Who can I tell about this, who will understand?"

I was travelling in this country for fifteen years, day in, day out, year in, year out, talking to thousands of people. Slowly, slowly I became aware that I was talking to walls. These people could not understand what I was saying. They could hear, but they could not listen. The words reached them but the meaning was left behind. I tried in every way, but it was impossible. Then I had to decide to stay in one place and only to talk to those few who really wanted to understand -- and not only to understand, but who were ready to be transformed.

Many people come here, particularly Indians, and they ask, "Why isn't the meeting open to all?" Because it is of no use to them, and they will be a nuisance here. Their very presence will destroy something immensely beautiful that is being created. It is open only to those who are seekers. It is not a public place, it can NEVER be a public place. It is a mystery school: it is only for those who are ready to go into the unknown, the unexplainable.

And this has been my experience: that if I am talking to my sannyasins I feel a deep rapport, if I am talking to nonsannyasins something seems to be difficult to communicate. Many non-sannyasins have asked, "Why can't we sit in front?" For the simple reason that if you are in front and I see you, it will be difficult for me to say that which I would like to say. Just looking at your faces, something becomes impossible, communication becomes difficult -- what to say about communion? Looking at my sannyasins, looking into their eyes, communion is possible.

Kabir is right. He says:

WHO CAN I TELL ABOUT THIS?

KASE KAHUN DUKH HOY....

There is great pain in my heart because I have known the bliss of being with the divine, but to whom can I communicate this? It would help me if I could communicate.

Hence a Buddhafield is always needed, SATSANG is needed. A community is needed where many people are searching together, where you can say and you can rest assured that you will not be misunderstood. A commune is needed where you can share your burdens, your experiences; you can pour out your heart and you will be understood, and you will not feel embarrassed.

That's what is happening here. If a sannyasin comes to another sannyasin, starts crying, the other understands, the other will not start asking questions, questions which will be embarrassing to the person who is crying. He may hug him, he may hold his hand, but he will not start a great discussion about it: "Don't be emotional, this is not good. Be a man, don't cry!" No, he will understand, he will have all sympathy, he will support. A commune becomes a support where you can say things which are not ordinarily said in the outside world, where you can share experiences which look imaginary, illusory, hallucinatory, where you can share things which if you go in the outside world and tell somebody, he will think you are mad.

KASE KAHUN DUKH HOY..

Kabir says: I cannot find anybody to whom I can say this -- that I have seen my Lord, that I have been with my Lord, and now I am again separated. I have known non-separation, those orgasmic moments, those peaks, and now I am thrown back into the dark valley. Now nothing here appeals to to me anymore; the beauty here is almost ugliness compared to the beauty that has arisen in my vision. And the happiness here is just false, because I have known the authentic joy. And all the celebrations here are just formal, people are moving in empty gestures. I have seen the real celebration!

THE NIGHT IS DARK AND LONG... HOURS GO BY...

BECAUSE I AM ALONE, I SIT UP SUDDENLY,

FEAR GOES THROUGH ME....

THE NIGHT IS DARK AND LONG.... You don't know about what night Kabir is talking. He is not talking about the ordinary night, he is talking about the night that is known only by those who have seen the light -- a very paradoxical phenomenon. He is talking about the night that happens only to those who have seen the dawn, who have seen something of the morning, and again that has disappeared and now the night is darker than ever before. Great fear arises: "Will I ever be able to attain to that peak again? Was that real? Or had I only been dreaming?" Great fear grows, great trembling arises, one is scared to death. And one cannot even share it. It would have helped if there were a companion with whom it was possible to share. It would have helped if some consoling words from the other had come; if the other had told him, "Don't be worried, it will happen again. It has happened to me again." That would have given confidence. But whom to say it to?

KASE KAHUN DUKH HOY!

I am in tremendous pain. But where to go, whom to go to, with whom to share?

ADHI RATIYAN PICHHLE PAHARVA, SAI BINA TARAF RAHI SOY.

Half the night is gone, waiting, waiting, waiting, and there is no sign! I cannot hear His footsteps!

ADHI RATIYAN PICHHLE PAHARVA, SAI BINA TARAF RAHI SOY.

I have waited long, half the night has passed. Now even the last part of the night is passing and He has not come, and I don't see any sign, any indication, any message. And the darkness is becoming darker and darker; there seems to be no possibility that I will attain to Him again. In deep despair, in great pain, I have fallen asleep again.

THE NIGHT IS DARK, AND LONG...

Remember one thing: that time is relative. If you are in a mood of rejoicing time goes fast, very fast; if you are in misery, in pain, time slows down. The clock moves the same, but the psychological experience of time is very relative.

You are sitting by the side of a person who is dying -- then you will know how long the night becomes: there seems to be no end to it. You are with your beloved, after many years you have met, and the night goes so fast, as if it were just a few moments. You cannot believe how fast it has gone. It seems the night played a game with you -- it went fast -- just not to allow you time enough to be with the beloved.

Time is relative, not the clock time but psychological time. Those who have known glimpses of God, for them this world is really difficult to live in, and the night is very dark and very long. The Christian mystics have a right word for it; they call it'the dark night of the soul'.

... HOURS GO BY...

BECAUSE I AM ALONE...

And you will know real aloneness only when you have seen God. Before that you have known aloneness -- sometimes your friend is not with you, your wife is not with you, your husband is not with you, your children are not with you -- yes, you have known a certain kind of aloneness,. but that is nothing compared to the aloneness that you will know when you have seen God. Then that aloneness is like a knife in the heart. One is almost crucified.

I SIT UP SUDDENLY, FEAR GOES THROUGH ME..

I cannot sleep because He may be coming. Who knows when He will come? His ways are unpredictable, He comes at very unexpected moments. One has to be alert and watchful. So I wake up, I sit up suddenly again and again, and fear goes through me: "He has not come. Has He forgotten me? Has He lost interest in me?"

These are the fears of a lover -- tremendously magnified, infinitely magnified, when the lover is nobody except God Himself, nobody other than God Himself.

KABIR SAYS: LISTEN, MY FRIEND

THERE IS ONE THING IN THE WORLD THAT SATISFIES,

AND THAT IS A MEETING WITH THE GUEST.

Nothing else ever satisfies, Nothing else can ever satisfy. Without attaining to God, without becoming God, without merging with God, you are going to remain discontented. Contentment, real contentment, has only one meaning: that is the meeting with the Guest.

KAHAT KABIR SUNO BHAI PYARE...

My dear friends, listen.

SAI MILE SUKH HOY.

There is only one possibility of bliss, and that is when the beloved has been found. And what is the way to find the beloved? Search is not the way. Lao Tzu says, "Seek, and you wi]l not find. Do not seek, and find." Seeking is not the way, because seeking is again the male mind. Non-seeking, a passive waiting, just ready, the door open, the house prepared for the Guest, sitting on the doorstep, waiting...

This waiting is prayer, this waiting is meditation. This waiting is what is meant by being a host. The moment you have become a host the Guest comes, inevitably comes; it has never been otherwise. It is not that you have to find God; if you are ready, God finds you. And how cam you find God? -- you don't know His address, you don't know where He is, you don't know His face. Even if you come across Him you will not be able to recognize Him. Even if you meet Him the meeting is not going to be any meeting because you will not recognize Him. How can you recognize Him? You have never seen Him before.

Man cannot seek God: this is the message of these sutras. God can seek Man.

Then what has to be done by man? He should be ready, he should be available. If a hand comes from the beyond he should not shrink back. If a voice comes from the beyond he should be ready to listen. If his mind is noisy he will not be able to listen to it. And if He comes and knocks on your door, you should be ready to open the door, you should not be afraid of Him. Yes, when the unknown comes fear arises, and when God knocks on your door it is a death for you... and a resurrection -- but the resurrection will come later on. First the crucifixion, first you will have to die.

Being with God means only one thing: dissolving in Him, just as rivers come from the mountains and disappear into the ocean. Maybe there is a moment when the river hesitates. Kahlil Gibran says somewhere: I have watched rivers falling into the ocean and I think that for a moment they hesitate, for a moment the fear grips them -- the vast ocean, and the river is going to lose its identity, and forever. Kahlil Gibran says: I have seen rivers looking back with great nostalgia at all the mountains that they have crossed, and the plains, and the beautiful trees on the banks, and the sunrises and the sunsets, and a thousand and one things. There is great nostalgia for all the memories and a great desire not to lose one's identity, but the river cannot go back.

Man can go back, that is the problem. The river is bound to fall into the ocean, but man can turn back even from the ultimate door. If fear grips you and you become too protective of your separate existence, of your personality, of your ego, if you have really a strong ego, you may turn back or you may close your doors. You may not listen to the voice of the beyond.

And let me tell you, God comes every day and knocks on your doors. Sometimes He comes as the wind and knocks on your doors, but you don't open your doors. And sometimes He comes in the rains, but you don't go into the open and you don't stand under the sky to be soaked by Him. No, you hide, you open your umbrellas. And you have psychological umbrellas too, and whenever He comes you avoid, whenever He comes across you, you escape.

Kabir says: If you want the Guest, be a host. Welcome Him, receive Him, embrace Him. And He always comes, continuously comes -- every moment of your life He is coming and searching for you; you go on avoiding. All that is needed on your part is not a search for God-but availability -- when God comes to be ready to surrender, when the ocean comes to disappear into it. Slip like a dewdrop... silently, prayerfully. Dancing, laughing, loving, disappear.

SAI MILE SUKH HOY.... KAHAT KABIR SUNO BHAI PYARE.