Zen

NIRVANA: THE LAST NIGHTMARE

Chapter 6: Taking the risk

Question 5

 

 

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Question 5

THE EGO FEELS SO CUNNING THAT EVEN MOMENTS OF INNER SILENCE, MOMENTS OF LET-GO, SEEM TO BE BUT SUBTLE TRICKS OF THE CONTROL MONSTER.

IT IS LIKE A SKILLFUL FISHERMAN PLAYING WITH THE FISH HE HAS HOOKED, GIVING IT ROOM TO RUN AND GET TIRED BEFORE PULLING IT IN

Yes, ego is very subtle -- the subtlest thing in the world. In fact it does not exist, hence its subtlety. In fact it is just a shadow, it has no existence. So wherever you go, the shadow follows you. And if you start running from the shadow, the shadow will run with you. The faster you run, the faster the shadow will follow you. And then you will feel that it is impossible for you to escape from this shadow.

No, it is not impossible. Just go under a tree, sit under the shade, and the shadow disappears. Don't run. That is not the way to go away from it. It is a shadow. You cannot go away from it. It has no existence, hence it is so subtle. Because it has no existence it is so powerful. Because it is not, ergo you cannot escape from it.

Try to understand. Move under the shadow of a big tree and sit there and look around -- the shadow is no more there.

That big tree is what I call meditation. Come under the shelter of meditation and ego disappears.

But people do many other things. They try to become humble; that is an escape. They feel the grip of the shadow, the grip of the ego. They try to become humble, they try to become simple, they renounce everything. Because they think ego comes from riches, they renounce the riches -- but then the ego comes through renunciation of the riches. They think the ego comes through prestige and power... renounce power, renounce prestige -- but then the ego comes through your humbleness.

Let me tell you one anecdote. I love it tremendously:

"The beloved rabbi was on his deathbed, and life was slowly ebbing away. Around the bed was a group of sorrowing disciples who felt the coming loss keenly and who talked in whispers among themselves of the manifold virtues of the old man now leaving them.

One said, 'So pious, so pious! Which of the many commandments of the Law did he fail to keep? Where at any point did he deviate in the slightest from the commandments of god?'

And another mourned, 'And so learned. The vast commentaries of the rabbis of the past were, so to speak, imprinted on his brain. At any moment he could call to mind some saying which would illuminate any possible theological question.'

Still a third said, 'And so charitable, so generous. Where was the poor man whom he did not help? Who in town is ignorant of his kindness? Why, he kept for himself only enough to hold body and soul together.'

But as this litany of praise continued, a faint tremor appeared on the rabbi's face. It became obvious that he was trying to say something. All the disciples leaned forward, with bated breath, to hear those last words.

Faintly from the rabbinical lips, there came the words, 'Piety, learning? charity! And of my great modesty you say nothing?"'

'Of my great modesty you say nothing.' Then ego will hide behind the modesty. Then ego will hide behind humbleness. Then ego will hide behind simplicity.

The ways of the ego are subtle because it is your shadow -- wherever you go, it follows you. Unless you find a place where you are in shade... then it disappears.

Through meditation, by and by you will come under the shade of a great tree. Sheltered, you will look all around and the ego will not be found.

Except meditation, nothing can help. Your austerities won't help you. Your renunciations won't help you. Except meditation, nothing is of help.

What is meditation then?

Meditation is a state of no-mind. The mind is like hot, burning sun. Under mind you move -- shadow falls, shadow is created. When the hot, burning sun is not there, suddenly... silence.

Meditation is a state of no-mind. Meditation is the interval when there are no thoughts floating in you, when the clouds of thoughts have disappeared. You are without thoughts, but not asleep. You are without thoughts, yet alert. An alert thoughtlessness is meditation.

In the beginning only rare moments will be there; only for a split second will you feel the shade of the tree. But in that split second this ego will disappear completely. You will not find YOU ARE. Because the feeling of I AM is nothing but accumulated thoughts. It is the piling up of thoughts that gives you the feeling I AM. If thoughts disappear, the I disappears.

You can take a torch in your hand and you can move your hand fast: a circle of fire will be created. The circle does not exist, but it appears because the torch is moving fast. A circle of fire is seen. In fact there is no circle, only a torch, but you can see the fire-circle.

Buddha used to take this symbol often -- a circle of fire. Stop movement, stop your hand, and there is only a torch and the circle disappears.

Stop your mind and the circle of thought disappears. Suddenly only your being is there and the circle is no more there. That circle is the ego. All thoughts together make it appear as if you are. When thoughts disperse, you are, but you don't feel that you are. The I disappears, only AMNESS remains.

In the West, one man, Rene Descartes, led the whole western mind on a wrong track. His dictum is very famous; on that dictum the whole western philosophy stands. His dictum is 'cogito ergo sum': I think, therefore I am.

This is absolute nonsense. I think, therefore I am? That means that when thinking stops, you will disappear, you will not be. In fact, when thinking disappears, for the first time you are. With the disappearance of the thinking, ego disappears, not you, not your being.

His dictum -- cogito ergo sum: I think, therefore I am -- is illogical, because from 'I think', you cannot derive 'I am'. From 'I think', you can derive only 'I think'. The dictum can be: cogito ergo cogito: I think, therefore I think. That's okay. But 'I think therefore I am' has no relation with 'I think'. 'I am, therefore I am. Sum ergo sum: I am therefore I am.'

But this AMNESS can be felt only when the mind is completely unclouded, when all thoughts have disappeared.

And these moments come to you also, even without meditation, but they are very very atomic and you miss. Between two thoughts there is always an interval... very small. Between two words there is an interval... very small. In that interval you are and yet you cannot say I AM. Being is, but the ego is not.

Meditation is an experience of pure being, without thoughts. The ego can disappear only that way, otherwise not.

So don't try other ways, otherwise it will go on following you. It can become subtle. It can become very pious. There are very many pious egoists -- religious people, monks, popes... very pious people, but very egoistic.

The only way that can lead you beyond the ego is the way of meditation. There is none else.

 

Next: Chapter 6: Taking the risk, Question 6

 

Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Zen                 Nirvana: The Last Nightmare

 

 

Chapter 6

 

 

 

 
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