Internet Book of Shadows: The Story of The Pit

Internet Book of Shadows, (Various Authors), [1999], at sacred-texts.com


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                                The Pit 
        The Lord looked askance at the Fool, who was busy making faces
behind the Lady's back.
        "So, which of your Aspects have you enjoyed the most?" he said.
        The Fool looked up, wiggling his ears.
        "Stop that!" grinned the Lord, "I'd really like to know!"
        "Well.....I suppose that it would be a toss-up between Dionysus,
Tyl Eulenspiegel, and Krishna, I guess. Tyl had a whopping good time,
Dionysus got to be pretty much drunk, mostly, and Krishna had those
sweet little milk-maids......THAT was a good time! But Coyote gets to do
most everything. I guess I like Him the best."
        The Lord sat back against a tree, folded His hands, and smiled.
        "Yeah, ol' Coyote gets to do everything all right...except catch
the Roadrunner," he said.
        "Well," said the Fool, with a lopsided grin, "I guess I'm the
only One of Us that perpetually chases Myself!"
        The Lady turned, and, Aspecting the Nymph, dropped a large
grasshopper down the Fool's back. She giggled, and ran off over the
fields of Summerland.
        The Lord laughed, pounding His fists on the ground as the Fool
jumped and twisted, trying to reach the insect.
        Between whoops of laughter, He said, "Did you ever figure out
what 'Updoc' was?"
        "Shaddup!" said the Fool.

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        The Fool leaned back against the brick wall of the alley and
said, "I'd like to tell you a story. It seems that a man fell into a
deep pit, and couldn't get himself out. He was in a world of hurt, and
pretty unhappy. Pretty soon, a Subjectivist type of person came along
and said, 'I feel for you down there,' but did nothing."
        "An Objectivist wandered by next, and said, 'It's logical that
someone would fall down there.' But he just stood around looking too."
        "A Pharisee said, 'Only bad people fall into a pit,' and put his
nose in the air and kept walking."
        The Fool took a drag from his cigarette and then flipped it
expertly into a nearby puddle. Somewhere in the distance of the city a
siren wailed.
        "Then, a mathematician calculated how he fell into the pit. But
all he did was calculate."
        "A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on his pit, but was
too busy interviewing everyone in sight to help."
        "A fanatic fundamentalist shouted, 'You deserve your pit!'"
        "Then a government tax-man asked if he was paying taxes on the
pit."
        "A self-pitying person then whined, 'You haven't seen anything
until you've seen MY pit!'"
        "Then a Christian Scientist came by, and said, 'Just believe
that you're not in a pit.' But that didn't seem to help." He paused, and
brushed His hair back from His eyes. After looking around that those who
were listening, He continued.
        "An optimist said, 'Things could be worse!' But the pessimist
disagreed, and said, 'Things -will- get worse!' "
        "A Wiccan said, 'MURPHY! You &*$%^#@,' while a New Ager jumped
into the pit to share the experience." A couple of people laughed at
this, a bit nervously.
        "A Baha'i looked over the edge of the pit and said, 'See the pit
2441

as a Spiritual Experience!' while a Moslem murmured that it was God's
Will that he was in the pit."
        "A Satanist just laughed at the man in the pit and kept
walking."
        "A conspiracist rubbed his hands together in glee, and said,
'-They- threw you into the pit! I -knew- it!'"
        "A Jew said, 'Why are we -always- in a pit?' "
        "A Communist shouted 'Why are you in the People's Pit without
permission?'"
        "An Alcoholic muttered to himself, 'It's not -my- fault you're
in the pit.....' "
       "A Liberal said, 'Those Conservatives must have dug this pit!'"
       "A Conservative said, 'See where Liberalism has gotten you?' "
       "A TV Evangelist came by and promptly took up a collection from
the bystanders."
       " Then, several well-meaning people came by, and wanted to help,
but they were too busy arguing whether to throw him a ladder, or a
shovel, or to hire a helicopter with a rope ladder, or to call the fire
department or police to manage to get anything done."
       "A well-known radio cult hunter said, between requests for money,
'See! Satan threw you into the pit!'"
       "A doper looked blearily at him, and said, a bit incoherently,
'Far out! Got any more pit?'"
       "A Hindu said that the man's karma had put him into the pit, and
a television news commentator shouted, 'Man in a pit! Why is the
government responsible?'"
        But then, a Good Samaritan came along, looked at the man in the
pit and at all the others standing around pursuing their own agendas,
and  said, quietly, 'Here are two shovels. Let's get you out of the
pit.'"
        The Fool looked around at His listeners, grinned, and said, "He
that hath ears to hear with, let him hear."
        He shoved His hands into his jacket, and walked away thru the
puddles, idly kicking at an empty beer can.

        "Pretty good!" said the Lady.
        "Maybe," said the Fool, "But not up to the Sermon On The Mount."
        "That one -was- one of Your best," She agreed.
        "Yeah," He said, "But even then, they ignored most of it. Oh
well.  Some of it caught on, at least."
        "It takes a while," said the Lord, "But they -are- learning."
        "Yes, they are," said the Fool, "But they have a long way to go
yet."
        The Lady smiled warmly, and said, "They'll get there."

        Thus it was, and so it is, and evermore shall be so!

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2442

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