[Get This]


[Get This]






What happens when the Parent Uses the Family to Play out their own Childhood Dramas and Unresolved Issues.

Let us use a fictitious example.

Smotherly Love: A Tale of co-dependent conditioned family relationships.

A lovely daughter in a family scenerio finds that their appears to be no room or no real acknowledgement of her love for her family. Because she feels unloved and unable to love, she buries those feelings deep within and resides in sorrow. That is until she meets her husband and they set up their own family.

Now there is an outlet for her expression of love. But unfortunately there are complications. Not everybody wants to be the centre of her attentions all the time - that is not an unreasonable request. The mother becomes over possesive of her children - mentally and emotionally. She begins to dominate the family situation. The children become outlets for all the affections that she did not receive when she was a child, or that she was unable to bestow upon her first family scenerio when she was a daughter.

There is an imbalance in this family situation. The Husband, feeling emotionally and mentally squashed, begins to pursue interests and hobbies that take him out of the family home - he needs to escape from the emotional dominance of his wife.

There is no room for other family members to be. The Mother has so much pent up emotional and mental baggage from her childhood that she has become the dominant presence in the household.

This is a case of love without respect. Love needs respect in order for it to appear gracefully. The Mother wants to love the family, but her affections have conditions - strings. She feels the need to be the centre of the family activity - the centre of attention.

"Look at me, see how loving I am, are you not lucky to have such a mother as I."

Nobody can live up to this type of pressure for long. Soon, the family members feel that they have no room to be - to breath - to display and experience their own mental and emotional beings - and of course their physical centre follows suite. With these feelings comes the resentment towards the Mother and her lack of respect for them as individuals. Everybody in the family must play her tune, the family is centred around the Mother. Eventually this deep, smouldering resentment may erupt as hatred, anger, violence, and abuse. Suddenly, after many years of suppression, the Mother begins to receive hatred back from her family - emotions have a way of slipping through even our toughest guards.

The Mother is now completely upset. Has she not spent years lavishing love and hard work just to make a happy home? Has she not sacrificed her own life just to give her family the best? What kind of ungrateful little sods are these? What kind of family is this?

Sooner or later there occurs a backlash from both sides. The children despise their Mother for squashing them, and the Mother hates her children for being so ungrateful and horrible. She wants the kids to leave as soon as possible, but the children are so emotionally undeveloped that they are terrified of leaving the home.

A nightmare situation of dark and dangerous emotions has occured.

The Mother is still dependent upon her children to give her her sense of lack that she developed in her own childhood, and the children are all tied firmly to her apron strings.

Nobody wants this situation anymore and there are resentful feelings from all members.

The original reason, the root cause, for all this pain is that the Mother felt a terrible lack of genuine love and respect in her own childhood, and she is using her new family scenerio to fulfill her unresolved childhood issues. She is unconscious of her behaviour, the scenerio is just manifesting and there is nobody around to point out what the problems may be.

If the Mother could have healed herself before, or as, she set up her own family, then this scenerio could have been avoided. Of course the husband is just as much at fault because he does not take an active family role - because of the conditions of his childhood.

This is why it is good to seek out professional advice instead of carrying on in unbearable situations such as these.