The fifth question:
BELOVED OSHO, PLEASE SAY THIS TO ME SO I CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT-
"ARUP, EVERYTHING IS GOING ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFULLY WITH YOU. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR MIND IS TRYING, NOW IT IS TOO LATE. I HAVE GOT YOU SAFELY UNDER MY WING AND THERE IS NO WAY BACK. AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE MORE AND MORE BLISSFUL FROM NOW ON."
THANK YOU OSHO. I HOPE IT IS SO, BUT SOMETIMES I WAVER.
THE QUESTION IS FROM ARUP. Now, the first thing: you say that I have to say to you, "Everything is going absolutely beautifully with you."
Just by my saying it, it will not become beautiful. It may give you a consolation, but I am not here to give you any consolation. Either take the real thing or don't bother at all. Consolation is a false thing. It is a toy to play with; it is just to pass time. And passing time is wasting time.
And, another thing, you say, "Everything is going absolutely beautifully" -- difficult. "Absolutely beautifully" -- difficult. Nothing is absolute here on the earth... except witnessing. Ugly is not absolute, beautiful is not absolute. Happiness is not absolute, unhappiness is not absolute. Only witnessing. And when you witness, you neither feel ugly nor beautiful, neither happy, nor unhappy -- you simply feel a witness.
My whole work is to make you a witness. You would like to have everything beautiful -- you don't want to be a witness. You want to have more pleasurable experiences. That's why you constantly seek consolation. People come to me not really to be helped but to be consoled, just to be patted on the back. If I say everything is going good, they feel good, but how long is this feeling going to help? It will wear off sooner or later. Again they have to come, and again they wait for me to pat them on the head. This is not going to help you. You need a transformation. And this will create a dependence on me, and I am not to make you dependent on me -- you have to be independent, you have to be your own self, you have to be on your own.
"No matter how much your mind is trying, now it is too late."
It is never too late! You can again slip into the old skin, you can again become identified with it. And when it is REALLY too late, then you will not ask this question. Then you will know that now there is no possibility of going back. This will be a certainty in you. This will be your own knowing. You will not need my certificate for it. Just because you need a certificate, it shows it has not happened -- you are wavering.
I have heard:
Mulla Nasrudin was standing in the court. "This crime was the work of a master criminal," said the prosecutor, "and was carried out in a skillful, clever manner."
Blushing, Mulla Nasrudin, the defendant, rose to his feet and said, "Sir, flattery will get you nowhere -- I ain't gonna confess."
But he has confessed. Arup has confessed -- this is not a question, this is a confession -- that she feels worried is natural. It is inhuman to expect no worry, at this stage at least. Sometimes she feels wavering; that is human, natural. It is good to accept it, rather than deny it, rather than create a screen and hide it. "Please say this to me so that I can stop worrying about it."
How will you stop worrying about it? -- just by my saying it? If it were so easy, I would have said it to everybody. It is not so easy. Whatsoever I say, you will interpret it in your own way, and you will find new worries. Whatsoever I say, you will have to interpret it -- you cannot accept it totally, you cannot trust it totally. And I am not saying that you HAVE to trust it totally; I am saying this is simply natural. I don't ask any unnatural thing from you. I don't ask any absurd things from you. It is natural! Sometimes you waver, sometimes you are against me, sometimes you are very negative. Sometimes you feel just to drop everything and go away back to your old world. I don't say that you are doing something criminal -- no -- it is just human. It is very natural. If you are not doing such things, then something is wrong, then something is amiss.
Whatsoever I say will again be interpreted by the same worrying mind. Even if I say exactly: Yes, Arup, everything is going absolutely beautifully with you... you will think, "Was Osho joking? Does he really mean it?" The worrying mind will jump upon it. Your interpretations are bound to be there.
Listen to this small story:
A priest was returning home late at night from a meeting. As he drove along, he suddenly remembered that he had not said evensong. He pulled up at the side of a quiet country lane, got out of his car and using the light of his car headlamps began to say the office.
Not long after he had begun, and much to his surprise, a lorry came along. The driver of the lorry, thinking that something was wrong, stopped, let down his window, and asked, "Having a spot of trouble, mate?"
"No, everything is alright, thank you," replied the priest.
The driver put his lorry in gear and, not to be outdone as he pulled away, cried out, "All I can say is: that must be a helluva good book you are reading there!"
Now just think of somebody reading a book on a lonely lane by the headlights of the car -- what will you think? Can you imagine somebody reading the Bible? What is the hurry to read the Bible? Can somebody be so interested in reading the Bible? Can't he wait and go home and read it there? The lorry-driver must have interpreted according to his mind -- he said, "All I can say is: that must be a helluva good book you are reading there!"
You continuously interpret. And you interpret, naturally, according to your mind. What I say will not be heard; you will hear it in your own way. If you are worrying, you will worry about it. If you are doubting, you will doubt about it. If you are negative, you will be negative about it. If you are trusting, you will trust.
Arup says, "Just say to me so that I can stop worrying about it." No, worrying cannot be stopped that easy. My saying it will not help you will have to do something. You will have to do what I say. You will have to be a little more practical. You will have to do witnessing.
There were three very hungry tramps, and they came to the house where the governor was cooking rice, and he said to them that they could stay the night and whoever had the best dream could have some hot rice.
So the next morning the first trampsaid, "I dreamt that I was the king."
The second tramp said, "That's nothing -- I dreamt I was God Himself."
And the third tramp said, "My dream was very ordinary and I don't stand a chance of winning at all: I dreamt about that hot rice getting cold, so I went down and ate it."
This is what I mean by being practical. So, Arup, be practical! Do what I say -- just my saying it won't help... and the rice is really getting cold. You want me to help create a dream in you, and the rice is getting cold. You just go down and eat the rice!
This will just give you a dream if I say: "Arup, everything is going absolutely beautifully with you. No matter how much your mind is trying, now it is too late. I have got you safely under my wing and there is no way back."
In the first place I cannot say it because the very desire to be safe and secure is against spiritual growth. I am pushing you into a dangerous realm. I am pushing you into an abyss. You would like to be safely under my wings -- now, I am throwing you into the very turmoil of existence... with no safety, with no security. I am not a protector -- I am a destroyer. I am not your security. If you REALLY understand me, I am going to become your dangerous life.
You will always be insecure if you have understood me. You will never ask for safety and security. You will abhor safety and security. You will think of them as enemies -- they are. You will enjoy being in the Open, vulnerable to all that is possible in life. Yes, vulnerable to death too;'all' includes death too. A REAL life is encountering death each moment. Only unreal, plastic lives are safe.
No, I cannot say that, that I have got you safely under my wing and there is no way back. You can fall, you can fall from the very last rung. Unless you become Enlightened, there is a way back; you can go back. You can deny, you can betray, you can reject. You can fall into the misery again -- from the very last rung also you can fall. Until and unless you have crossed the whole ladder, even the last rung, until and unless you are just a nobody, you can fall back. A slight ego, just a tremor of ego, is enough to bring you back. It can again condense, it can again integrate, it can again become a new trip.
And safety is not my way. To be a sannyasin means you are ready to live life without safety. That is the greatest courage, and with that great courage, great bliss becomes possible.
"And you are going to be more and more and more blissful from now on."
I am not an Emile Coue -- I am not a hypnotist. Yes, you can hypnotize yourself this way. That was the very methodology of Coue. He would tell his patients, "Think, dream, imagine, visualize -- each night before going to sleep, each morning after the sleep, repeat again and again and again'I am getting better, I am getting healthier, I am getting happier....' Repeat, go on repeating."
Yes, it helps a little. It creates an illusion around you. But would you like me to help you in creating illusions? My whole approach is that of dehypnosis; it is not of hypnosis at all. I don't want you to be hypnotized by any illusion. I want you to be utterly dehypnotized of all illusions. When you are in a state of disillusionment, utter disillusionment, Enlightenment is very close by.
Then Arup says, "Thank you Osho. I hope it is so..."
See! Her mind has already started interpreting.. "I HOPE it is so..." It is not so -- she simply hopes. How you can deceive yourself!
"I hope it is so, but sometimes I waver."
And I am not condemning your wavering -- it is perfectly okay to waver sometimes, it is perfectly human to waver sometimes. It is perfectly right! Never condemn it! Accept it! Don't try to create a false unwavering -- that will be of the mind and will be a deception, and will not lead you anywhere. Let it be as it is. Accept it as it is, and become more and more watchful, become more and more of a witness. Only in that witnessing will you be safe. Only in that witnessing will you become more and more blissful every day -- not by repeating it! Only in that witnessing will you stop wavering. Only in that witnessing will you come to the center of your being -- where death exists not, where only life abundant is, where one is drinking the nectar Saraha talks about.