ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL
|2005 AND 2006|
VOL. 1, COME FOLLOW YOURSELF
Moving towards Christhood
I FEEL LIKE ON ACTOR IN A PLAY AND I DON'T ALWAYS LIKE MY ROLE IN IT. JUST WHEN I FEEL IT IS DROPPING, YOU PUSH ME BACK IN IT -- DEFINING IT, DEFINING ME. IT APPEARS YOU GIVE A FORM, WHILE MY BEING IS BURSTING AT THE SEAMS. I WANT TO EXPLODE AND SPREAD. WHY DO YOU MOLD ME SO?
The first thing: if you really feel' that you are an actor in a play then there is no question of your like or dislike. Then you cannot say, "Sometimes I don't like my role in it," because like and dislike come only when you think of yourself not as an actor but as a doer.
To the actor, all roles are the same. What difference does it make whether you become Jesus or Judas in a drama? If you really know that this is a drama, and Judas and Jesus are all the same behind the curtain, behind the stage -- it is just an act -- then what is wrong in being a Judas? How can you dislike it? And what is good in being Jesus? How can you like it?
Like and dislike exist only when you think you are the doer. Then good' and bad come in then judgement, evaluation; then condemnation, appreciation. Then the duality enters. The duality enters only with the doer. If you are an actor it is all the same whether you are a Judas or a Jesus.
Once you understand the point that life is just a great drama, you are finished with likes and dislikes. Then whatsoever the whole bids, you do it. You are not the doer: you fulfill the desire of the whole.
That is one of the greatest teachings of all religions: to become an actor in life. Then like/dislike disappears. When like/dislike disappears, choice disappears -- and when you are choiceless, you are free. MOKSHA, nirvana, is attained.
Become an actor. Play the role, play it beautifully... because when one has to play;t, why not play it beautifully? You are a Judas -- perfectly okay. Be a Judas. Enjoy the role and let the audience also enjoy the role. Behind the stage, Judas and Jesus are meeting and having tea. They are friends there. They have to be.
In fact without Judas, Jesus cannot be. Something in the story will be missing, something very essential will be missing. Just think of Jesus without Judas. Christianity will not be possible.
There might not have been any record of Jesus without Judas. Because he betrayed, Jesus was crucified; and because Jesus was crucified, the event stuck hard in the heart of humanity.
Christianity is born not because of Christ but because of the cross. So I would prefer that Christianity be called "Crossianity'. It should not be connected with Christ but with the cross.
If you look at the Church, you will see the cross raised higher than Jesus. The bishops and the popes wear the cross:the Church is born out of the cross. But if you think about it like this, then who is the author of this crucifixion? Judas -- not Jesus.
At the last moment on the cross, just before he died, Jesus hesitated. The part hesitated to dissolve into the whole, the river hesitated to fall into the ocean. It's natural, it's human: Jesus is son of man AND son of God.
Every river must be tremendously apprehensive and afraid when it comes to the ocean. It was coming there all the time -- it may have journeyed thousands of miles to meet the ocean -- but whenever the river falls into the ocean, a deep turmoil is bound to be in the heart. The river is going to disappear. The ocean is so vast -- where will she be?
She will be lost, her identity gone: the name, the form, the dreams, the desires -- all gone. The ocean is so vast, she will simply disappear. Falling into the ocean is a death. It is the cross. When the river falls into the ocean, the cross is there.
At the last moment Jesus looked at the sky and said, "God, have you forsaken me? Why is this happening to me? " -- deep cry of anguish. 'Why have you forsaken me?' shows the humanity of Jesus. That is where Jesus is tremendously beautiful, incomparably beautiful.
Buddha is more inhuman. You may call it 'superhuman', but he is inhuman. If he was going to die on the cross, he would not have cried toward the sky: "Why have you forsaken me? " He knows that there is nobody to cry to, he knows no God exists, that that is all human foolishness. He knows that all that is born is going to die; he has understood it totally. He will not cry, he will simply dissolve. The river of Buddha will not hesitate, it will not hesitate for a single moment. There will not be a cross.
Buddha is inhuman, very far away from the human heart. Mahavir is even more inhuman. They are not of this world at all; they are very abstract, as if they are not concrete human beings. They look more like disembodied ideas. They look fictitious, they look mythological -- but not real.
Jesus is very real. He's as real as you are. And this cry.... Buddha would have laughed. If he had been there he would have laughed at how foolish this man was: "What are you crying about? To whom are you crying?"
In Lewis Carroll's beautiful book, ALICE IN WONDERLAND, there is a small dialogue:
Tweedledum says to Alice. "Why are you crying? You are unreal -- just a dream of the king."
Alice looks at him and says, "But I AM real."
Tweedledum laughs and says, "You are foolish. If he (the king) stops dreaming, where will you be?"
Alice says, "I will be here of course."
Tweedledum laughs again. He says, "You fool! If he stops dreaming, you will simply disappear. You are a figment of his dream. Don't cry. How can you cry? -- you are unreal."
Alice goes on crying. She says, "If I am unreal, then who is crying? If I am unreal, then what about these tears?"
Tweedledum says, "You fool, do you think these tears are real or your crying is real? "
Buddha would have laughed at Jesus, Shankara would have laughed: "What are you doing? This whole world is MAYA: the dream of the king. You are just part, a figment of it; you are not real, you are unreal. Just disappear. Why are you saying, 'You have forsaken me?' Who is there to forsake you?"
But not Jesus. He cries -- tears may have flowed through his eyes. He is human, as human as you are -- rooted in the earth as you are. He is very earthly... but not just earthly, not merely earthly. He is more.
He cried. For a moment he even became angry and annoyed. He said, "What are you doing to me? Have you forsaken me? " And then he understood. The river hesitated, then understood and moved into the ocean.
Then he said, "I understand. Thy will should be done. not mine." The part was ready to fall into the whole.
He's earthly and he's heavenly -- both. He is a great bridge. At the last moment he understood the whole thing as just a role to be played.
"Thy will should be done, not mine" -- -then it becomes acting. If it is your will, then it becomes doing. This is the difference.
You say to me, "I feel like an actor in a play." You must be just THINKING of yourself as an actor in a play because the next part of the sentence denies it: "... and I don't always like my role in it." If it's just a play, then why bother? Be a Judas or be a Jesus -- it's all the same. From where does the evaluation of like and dislike come?
The ego exists in your likes and dislikes. In choice, the ego exists; when you don't choose, the ego disappears. That is what I'm doing to you.
"When I feel it is dropping, you push me back into it." I will go on pushing you until the choice disappears completely. Don't resist me because if you resist then you will not be able to understand for long. Don't get annoyed and don't say, "What are you doing to me?"
"It appears you give me a form, while my being is bursting at the seams. I want to explode and spread...." That 'I want' is the barrier to exploding and spreading. The 'I' cannot explode and cannot spread. It can only think, it can dream.
My whole effort is so that you can drop the 'I' and just be. Then you will spread; then there will be no barrier for you, then you can become infinite. You ARE infinite: the ego won't allow you to see it, the ego won't allow you to see the truth.
"Why do you mold me so? " I will go on molding you from one form to another, and again from one form to another, so that you can understand that you are formless.
Only the formless can be molded into form. If you have a form, then you cannot be molded into another form; you are already fixed.
If you want to mold steel it will be difficult, but you can mold mud easily. Why? Why not steel? Steel has a more fixed form. You can say it in this way: steel believes in a more fixed form, the steel is deceived by a more fixed form. The mud is not so deceived.
Then there is water: formless, fluid. You put it in a jar; it takes that form. You move it into another jar: never for a single moment does it resist -- it takes another form. It is fluid.
Allow me to mold you in many forms because only in changing from one form to another -- somewhere in between -- will you become aware of the formless. There is no other way to become aware of the formless. Moving from one form to another -- just in the middle somewhere, when the old form has gone and the new has not arisen -- in that interval, some day you will become aware.
That's what God himself is doing. He goes on changing your forms. Sometimes you were a plant... then you were a bird... then you became an animal.... Then you became a man: sometimes a woman, sometimes a man; sometimes black, sometimes white; sometimes stupid, sometimes intelligent. He goes on changing your form because that is the only opportunity....
By changing the form, one day, somewhere in the middle, you will become aware. Then the whole thing is just acting; then you will be able to say: "Thy will should be done, not mine."
That moment you are freed. When you can say with your whole heart, "Thy will should be done, not mine," you have disappeared. The river has fallen.