Come, spread this moonlight, wrap yourself in it

Third Question



Energy Enhancement          Enlightened Texts          Gorakh          Death is Divine



The third question:

Question  3





Sudhir Bharti, what you have written is lovely, but full of misunderstanding. You have given a new form to Gorakh's couplet, but Gorakh's couplets cannot be given new form. It is complete just as it is, it cannot be altered.

Understand Gorakh's statement again:

Die, O yogi, die!  Die, sweet is dying.

Die that death Gorakh died and saw.

You have made a very big change. You say: Kill me, O lord, kill me!

No one else can kill you, it is not possible. Someone can kill your body, but no one can kill your ego. For this only you are capable. Not even god can kill your ego, otherwise he would have killed it. You say god is omnipotent, all powerful. Even he has a limit of power  --  he cannot kill your ego. If your ego existed god could kill it. The ego does not exist, it is only an illusion. The illusion is yours. Only you can drop your illusion, how can I drop your illusion? You insist that two plus two equals five. No matter how much I insist that two plus two equals four, what will happen?  --  as long as you don't believe two plus two equals four? If you stubbornly insist that two plus two equals five, you will go on making two plus two equal five.

I have heard that a man got the insane idea he was dead. He was quite alive but this mad idea that he was dead arose. He went on telling people, "Brother, I have died, did you know that or not?" People said, "Brother, this beats all! Never before has a dead man given the news like this. You are making a scene. In fact you are well and strong, everything is okay."

At first people thought he was just kidding, but slowly slowly it began to get serious. Customers would come to his shop and  ask him things. He would say, "I have died. What store? What?"

His wife would ask have you brought the vegetables? He would say, do dead men bring vegetables? I have died. You haven't heard?

Worries started increasing. This kidding didn't seem to be kidding, it became a serious matter. People put up with it three or four days, then took the 'dead man' to a psychotherapist, thinking now he needs treatment. The psychotherapist observed him, he too was surprised. He has seen all kinds of patients. This was his first patient to say he had died. The psychotherapist thought he had a trap. He said: "Tell me something, if we make an incision on a dead man will blood come out or not?"

The madman said, "Do  dead men ever bleed? Blood turns to water when one is dead. Blood will not come out, blood comes out of a living man."

The psychotherapist was happy, he said, "Now we'll see. Come with me, stand in front of the mirror." He picked up a knife and made a small wound on the man's hand. A gush of blood came out - he was living after all, alive. The psychotherapist said, "Now speak."

The man said, "My first statement was wrong. This proves that if a dead man is cut he will bleed."

Now what to do? If he has decided that two plus two equals five there is no way. He says that his first statement was wrong, excuse me, but I was mistaken. The psychotherapist had thought, now he will believe he is living, but instead he believes that dead men bleed.

No, I cannot smash your ego Sudhir. No one can. Your ego is your illusion. It  will break only if you wake up. It cannot be broken from the outside. No outer light can light up your interiority. Yes, I can tell you the method, how you can light your inner lamp. But I cannot light your lamp. You will have to light it.

This is why Buddha said, a buddha indicates the path, you yourself will have to walk. No buddha can walk for you and reach the destination, and even if he reaches, he will reach the goal, you will remain just where you are. Truth cannot be borrowed.

Don't change Gorakh's couplet. You have said it well: Kill me, O lord, kill me!  Kill me, I crave death.

But no, Gorakh speaks rightly:

Die, O yogi, die!  Die, sweet is dying.

He is saying, you yourself will have to die. If it were in my hands to destroy your ego then what an easy matter it would be. Then you could come to me, I would wave a magic wand and your ego would be destroyed. You would attain god and go back home. But if it were so cheaply demolished it would be dangerous. On the way you might meet someone else and he waves his wand in reverse and you are back right where you were!

A man came to Ramakrishna, he said, "I am on my way to bathe in the Ganges. I am going on pilgrimage. What is your suggestion?"

Ramakrishna said, "If you are going it is good. But remember one thing: have you seen the great tall trees standing on the banks of the Ganges?"

He said, "Yes, they are standing there."

"Why are they standing there?"

"I don't know, you ask such a question! They are trees, they stand there. What can I say about why they are standing there?"

"I will tell you the secret," Ramakrishna said. "The secret is that you go there carrying a bundle of sins on your body and take a dip in the Ganges. When you dip under it is the blessing of Mother Ganges that the sins are taken away. But sins will not let go of you so easily, they sit on the trees. The say to themselves, 'When our son comes out, then. How long can he stay under?' You will come out of the Ganges, they will leap and be mounted on you again. So it is the same whether you bathe or not. Remember the trees, take your dip but don't come back out."

He said, "What are you telling me? Do you want to take my life? If I go under and don't come up, then I am finished. Then it is useless to go."

Ramakrishna said, "Then it is up to you. But that is why trees are standing there. You sin and the Ganges will purify your sins! If it were that cheap then how easy life would be, but not worth two cents."

Ramakrishna is right, does bathing in the Ganges wash away sins? Yes, the dirt and grime of the body will be washed off although as soon as you come out, dust will be stirred up and settle on you again. But how will the Ganges clean inside of you? The outer Ganges can clean the outer dirt. But you will have to have to awaken the inner Ganges in your inner consciousness. That water you will have to seek in your own currents.

You will have to die, I cannot kill you. If I could kill you, anyone could reawaken you. If you yourself die, then no one will be able to bring you back to life. Once one has consciously awakened and dispersed the ego inside himself, there is no power in the whole world that can make him fall back into the trap of ego.

So don't say, Kill me, O lord, kill me!  Kill me, I crave death.

No one dies by craving. One who craves to die, simply has to die. Craving for what?

Listening to what I am saying, it appears to your ego, "Gee, if only I could be a great yogi like Gorakh. But this Gorakh is saying something disturbing, he is saying, die then it happens. Okay then I will die, but I must remain. I too want to be realized."

Your very ego desires to be realized, and this is what needs to die. Hence the ego says, " Okay I will die. If this is the way to realize then okay, I am ready even to die, but I will remain as realized." And the craving to realize, is to save oneself. This is the breath of the ego.

Where does the breath of the ego come from? The ego gets breath from the desire to be something. You are poor and you want to be rich, the ego is taking its breath. You are ignorant and you want to be knowledgeable, the ego is taking its breath. You are humbled and you want to be established in power, the ego is taking its breath.

Understand the process of the ego. How does the ego live? The ego lives in the tension between what you are and what you want to be. 'A' wants to be 'B',  the ego is created from this very tension.

How does the ego die? The ego dies by accepting what you are. You say, I am fine as I am, where I am is good. I remain just as god made me. Whatever his will is, is my will. If you let go of tension for the future  --  this should be, that should be  --  the ego is gone.

The ego lives on a foundation of past and future. Consider the fact a little. The ego claims that in the past I did this, I did that: it is all past. And ego says I will go on doing it, I will do it and show you. It is all future. The ego does not exist in the present. If you come to the present, the ego says good-by. This is death to the ego. Coming to the present is the death of the ego.

What's gone is gone. Don't keep holding onto it. And let go of the future. Don't desire what has not happened, because desiring it the ego is preserved. Be totally content with what is, then this moment you will find the ego is not. What is  --  as it is  --  is good, it is absolutely good. The name of this art is contentment. And in contentment the ego dies. In discontent the ego lives. Hence the more discontented a man is, the more egotistical he is. The more egotistical, the more discontented. These two move together, one beside the other.

If you have made it a craving Sudhir to become realized, if you want to reach the place where you can say I have attained god, then the ego will not die. All expectations, all aspirations, all desires, all longings do the work of pouring ghee onto the fire. The desire to attain god also performs the function of pouring ghee onto the fire of ego.

Hence your sannyasins are more egotistical that ordinary people. In your mahatmas, your "great souls", you will find pure egos  --  like absolutely pure poison, unadulterated, with no impurity  --  which you cannot find in ordinary people. In the ordinary world you find everything full of impurities.

Mulla Nasruddin wanted to die, so he took poison and fell asleep. Three or four times he opened his eyes and looked around. I still haven't died. He felt around,  let an ant bite and saw that I am alive, there is still no effect. He kept on tossing. Morning came, he opened his eyes and looked around. His wife had gotten up and she is busy with her work, the children are getting ready for school... what kind of death is this? The milkman came and is knocking on the door. The sound of the neighbors can be heard... what kind of death is this? And he had drunk enough poison that it says one should die from one quarter the amount. He drank four doses. He sat up. He went and looked in the mirror thinking what kind of death is this? And no one seems to know, no one has prepared the offerings, there is no fuss. The wife is not crying. The children are preparing to go to school. Then he realized, it is not death. He ran, reached the shop where he had bought the poison, saying, what's going on? The shopkeeper said, "What can I do? Everything is adulterated. Can you get pure poison nowadays? Those days are gone. You are talking about the golden era of truth. Pure poison? These are the days of the Kaliyuga, the dark ages, no pure poison or such like is available."

In the world everything has impurities. In an ordinary man everything is all mixed in. One who has gone to attain god, his ego starts becoming pure. His poison starts to be of the golden era. This is why you find conceit and subtle ego in your so-called mahatmas as you will find nowhere else.

This is why your scholars, priests and mahatmas fight and cause fights. Your temples, mosques, churches, gurudvaras have become sanctuaries of ego. Love does not arise from these, hate arises from them. Poison spreads into the world from them, not nectar.

If man becomes free of all religions then perhaps there will be peace. All religions say they want to bring peace, but they bring chaos. The basic process is not remembered.

Only desire gives ego to man, and the bigger the desire the bigger the ego it gives. Certainly there can be no bigger desire than for god. So a man filled with the desire for god becomes most egotistical of all.

What am I saying to you? I am saying this to you: if you want to attain god then you don't need to desire god. If you want to attain god you have to understand the nature of desire and become free of it. The moment desire is gone is the moment god descends. God can be attained, but god cannot be desired. God is met and the one who meets is the one who fulfills this important condition.

This is why a man of highest knowing like Buddha never used the word god - so that in your ignorance you don't start somehow desiring god. Buddha never even mentioned god, because Buddha saw that people change their desires. When they no longer want money, they want heaven. When they no longer want power, they want god. When they no longer want respect, they want samadhi. But they want. And where there is wanting there is ego.

So Buddha said: "There is no god, there is no soul, there is no liberation. Don't think that Buddha is saying there is no such thing as god, that there is no soul, that there is no liberation. Both those who have followed Buddha and those who opposed him have understood him wrongly. It is very hard to comprehend the Buddha, difficult. Buddha's statements are very subtle. Buddha is saying that if I say that god exists then immediately god becomes the object of your desire. And as long as there is desire  god will not be attained. It is better if we just drop talking about god, Buddha said. He does not exist. 'Where there is no bamboo, no flute will play.' If god does not exist, how will you desire god? If there is no heaven how will you have desires for heaven? And if even the soul does not exist then what samadhi?

Buddha's device is amazing. All possible ways for your desire are taken away. Now you have only small desires, to get rich, to gain power, to become the prime minister. Try to understand these small desires and you will find that each desire brings suffering. Every desire takes you into darker hell. Looking and looking, recognizing and recognizing one day the awareness will dawn in you that desire is suffering. In that very moment desire will drop. And there is no god that the desire can be turned towards. Worldly desire will fall away and Buddha has left no way to desire the other world. The moment you enter desirelessness is the moment you meet god.

Understand god as the name of the state of your desirelessness. Understand samadhi as when no desire remains within you, what remains is samadhi. It is not something that happens through craving.

And you say, Kill that death...

Even your killing is conditional. You say, 'Yes, certainly kill but it should be that death  --  the same that you attained, from which you saw, let it be no other death. Even in dying you have made conditions. In the middle of the process you will open your eyes to see that no wrong death is happening.

A Zen monk had given one of his disciples a meditation koan  to resolve: what is the sound of one hand clapping? Does one hand ever clap? He thought long and worked hard. He was a man of deep thought. He brought many statements, such as the sound of one hand clapping is like the thundering of the clouds. And the master hit him a hard one saying, "Idiot, is this the sound of one hand clapping? Where is one hand in this? When there is thunder in the sky clouds are colliding with one another, this means there are two hands. Where there is colliding there are two hands. Bring something where there is no colliding and yet sound arises." He worked hard. Many possibilities arose, but all failed. Months passed, he started becoming sad. He came after working on it all day and exactly the same thing again: the master chased him away. He asked the older disciples, "Brothers, how did you solve it?"

So one disciple said, "I had to solve the same one, he tortured me a lot too. Three months for you  --  he stepped on my corns for three years! Then one day I was completely tired out, just bored... the sound of one hand... has it ever sounded? This man is mad and I too am mad, sitting following his suggestion: contemplating the sound of one hand clapping, meditating. This  is clearly impossible. I know it, he also knows it, everyone knows it. But I am attracted to this man. I have fallen in love with him, so okay if he says do it, it is fine  --  some time or other it will sound or something will happen. After three years when I was completely tired and I came and he asked about the sound of one hand and I just collapsed. I had become completely hopeless, so I just fell down. And that day the master was happy and put his hand on my head - he didn't hit me with his staff that day - he said, 'Son, get up, the one hand has clapped!'"

In this falling down, his ego fell away. In this falling all his thoughts fell away  --  despairing, despairing, despairing... defeated, defeated, defeated... there is a limit. The defeat reached that place where the ultimate defeat came. The loss was total. Now it became clear that nothing could happen through him. Neither one hand would clap, nor would he be successful, nor would samadhi happen to him. The despondency reached the place where the death of the ego happened. When there are small victories, success is happening, the ego is nourished. Hence the sound of one hand clapping, so the ego cannot be nourished. This is a device for breaking your ego. So the master put his hand on his head and said, "One hand has clapped! This is the sound of one hand clapping. Now get up, now there is no worry."

The younger man said, "My good man, why didn't you tell me in the first place? I would have 'clapped the one hand' the first day and fallen down. Today itself I will clap it. I'm going right now."

He went, arrived there. Just as he was asked about the sound of one hand clapping, he sprawled out... but fell looking to see that he was not hurt in any way. He looked a little sideways making sure that everything was okay. He dropped his head in a place where a pillow had been put. He closed his eyes and sprawled out headlong, lying in the corpse pose. His mind was very happy, that today the matter is resolved, now the master will come, and rub his hand on my head. And the master swung his staff. He opened one eye to see what was happening, he had imagined something quite different.

The master said, "Fool, do the dead open their eyes to peek? And do the dead fall seeing where the pillow lies?  You are just copying.  I understand  who you are copying, but he experienced one hand clapping.  You are imitating.  You wanted something to happen cheaply. This cannot be cheap.  He was troubled for three years. He worked relentlessly for three years. He sweated blood.  He didn't sleep in the day, he didn't sleep at night.  He forgot to eat and sleep.  He put his total stake in it. Then the time came, in a moment of defeat he broke and fell down. He did not look around to see whether his head would fall on stones or on a pillow. He had no idea what would was about to happen. You fell, laid down where you saw that the master's hand could touch your head. When he fell, he really fell. In falling, his ego fell.  And your falling is only arranged by the ego. This is only a device of the ego. You want me to say that you have become enlightened. It is not so cheap."

You say, Kill such a death...

At least let go completely. Say this much at least, Kill me as you will... Even this you did not let go of. You have made your conditions. Even your surrender is conditional. And is surrender ever conditional?  The meaning of surrender is  --  let go of all conditions. Fall at the feet, now what will pass will pass, what doesn't doesn't.  One is ready for this too. If even a tiny desire hidden in a far corner is watching the path, saying, "It ought to happen like this, I have fallen down now, but that death has not happened, the death from which Gorakh saw.   I am just the same as I was before.  Still samadhi has not flowered. Still the feet of god do not appear anywhere."  If such desires and thoughts continue, death can never happen.

And remember,  the master cannot kill the disciple. The master can teach the disciple the art of dying. Dying you will have to do.

When you eat your stomach will be filled. When you drink water your thirst will be quenched.  By my drinking water, your thirst cannot be slaked.  By my eating, your hunger cannot be destroyed. By my breathing, your heart will not beat.  And these are all outer things, the deepest thing is the death of the ego, this is the deepest.  It cannot be done from outside. Only if you wake up,  experience, know the misery of the ego, experience hell.  See how many poisonous bites the ego has given...

It is not a matter of craving, it is a matter of understanding. But it is good Sudhir, the thought arose. Letting thoughts arise this way, the art is learned.  The same that I am teaching  --  the art of dying.  It can either be called the art of living, or the art of dying: it is one and the same.  When you die the divine manifests.  Your death is its inception.


Next: Chapter 8, Come, spread this moonlight, wrap yourself in it, Fourth Question


Energy Enhancement          Enlightened Texts          Gorakh          Death is Divine



Chapter 8






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