To walk with one's own light

Third Question



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Question 3


Grace is not something that happens sometimes and does not happen other times; grace is always happening. It is the very nature of existence. The existence is grace-full.

But sometimes you get it and sometimes you miss it. The rain is falling; sometimes you are showered, sometimes not. But the rain is continuously falling, So something has to be searched within you. Sometimes you are sheltered against it.

Grace is the very nature of existence. And ego is the shelter. You protect yourself, even against grace. Unknowingly, you create defense measures around you, you create an armour. The grace is available but you become unavailable -- that's why rarely it seems to happen.

Whenever you are not defending.... You are sitting, just early morning, the sun has not risen. You look at the sky, the new sun is just coming up. Everything is silent, peaceful. A new life arising. A new day is born. You become part of this infinite whole happening around you. You are not a watcher, not an onlooker. You participate in the mystery. It is not that the sun is rising and you are looking at it, no. You and the sun have become one. Then you are unprotected. Then the wall disappears. Then it is not an armour. Then it is not that the sun is rising there, very far away, and you are sitting here, no.

The 'here' and 'there' disappear. It is one whole. Then you have forgotten yourself. In that forgetfulness you are no more an island -- you have become part of the continent. No barriers -- suddenly you are filled with grace, suddenly you are no more miserable, suddenly there is no darkness. Everything is beautiful. You can bless everything. In this moment you can have only one feeling arising out of your heart: a deep gratefulness, a deep gratitude. Just to be is perfect; just to breathe is great. Just to be alive in this moment, you are fulfilled.

Sometimes it happens sitting by a human being you love: a woman, a man, a child -- sitting silently, not doing anything in particular, because doing is always a sort of occupation through which you go on protecting yourself. Not even talking! When you are deep in love you would like to sit in silence. Lovers don't talk much. They convey, they commune. A subtle communication starts happening. They know each other so deeply that even gestures are understood. Words are not needed. In fact, words look jarring; they create a disturbance, the resonance is disturbed by them. They sit silently and suddenly there is grace -- something which is bigger than both surrounds them. A cloud of virgin bliss surrounds them. They are encompassed. They are not two, the twoness has disappeared. They are completely oblivious of their separateness. Time stops. There is grace.

Again they start talking, again the egos enter -- they are protected and grace is lost.

Yes, all that is beautiful, all that is true and good happens though grace; it never happens through effort. All efforts are tiny. What can you do? We are so tiny, so atomic -- what can we do? So limited -- what can we do? If we try by our own effort to be happy, we will be getting more and more unhappy. That's what is happening all over the world -- everybody trying to be happy. The more you try, the more unhappy you become. Your whole effort seems to be wasted. Not only wasted -- your whole effort seems to be bringing results that are just the contrary: you want to be happy and you become unhappy.

I have heard about an old man. He was one of the unhappiest men in the world. The whole village was tired, because he was always grumpy and complaining and always in a bad mood, always sour. And the more he advanced in age, the more acidic he became, the more poisonous his words. People avoided him because he was so unhappy that he became infectious. To not be unhappy with him would have been offensive to him. He created unhappiness in others also.

But one day, his eightieth birthday, suddenly the whole village could not believe it -- a rumour spread like fire: 'The old man is happy today, not complaining, even smiling, and his whole face has changed.'

The whole village gathered and they asked: 'What is the secret? What has happened to you?'

The old man said: 'Nothing. I tried to be happy for eighty years and I could not be -- so I thought it is better to go without happiness. I tried hard to be happy and I could not be happy so I said that now it is enough -- eighty years wasted -- now I will do without happiness. That's why I'm happy.'

This happens. This is what is happening all over the world. Try hard and you become unhappy. The more you try, the more frustration it brings.

Ask the awakened, all those who have known say: 'Ask for happiness and you will be unhappy.' Accept unhappiness, and suddenly you are happy -- because the effort is no longer there -- and grace is always available. Though your effort you push it away. Don't push it.

You are the greatest enemies of yourself, and you know it well: that whenever it has happened that you had a moment of happiness, it was not because of you. You know it, but your ego won't concede to it.

You know it, that suddenly one day a bird started singing in the grove and everything became silent within you. You listened to it, and for a moment there was no misery, no hell -- the paradise regained. It was nothing on your part. The bird was singing -- you simply listened. In that listening, you were passive; no effort was there.

What do you have to do? -- the bird was singing, the grove was green. For a moment you became passive, feminine -- not doing anything. Suddenly it was there. It has always been there. You just have to stop.

Says Lao Tzu: 'Seek and you will miss. Don't seek and it is already there.' The treasure that you are seeking is within you. All seeking is futile.

Just look at the facticity of it. Existence is celebrating! It is a celebration I It is already dancing -- in every leaf, in every stream, in every rock, and in every star -- it is always dancing. And you are invited. Otherwise you would not have been here. You are accepted; otherwise you would not have been here.

But you resist. You are trying something, you are trying to do the impossible: to become happy. An unhappy man cannot become happy, but the unhappy man goes on trying to be happy. Drop the whole nonsense!

People come to me and they ask me how to be happy. I say: 'If you ask how, you will never be. Just be! -- there is no how to it.' The'how' is the problem. How to be happy? -- what a nonsense question! Be happy -- why ask how? There is no science of happiness. Notwithstanding what American books say, there is no science of happiness.

All Dale Carnegies are just mediocre -- but they sell. Next to the Bible, Dale Carnegie sells the most; he is a good salesman. He knows that everybody wants to be happy. He knows that everybody wants to be successful. He knows that everybody wants to find love. He fulfills the desire. He gives you the 'how'. He gives you books like: HOW TO SUCCEED, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS, HOW TO BE RICH.

But I tell you there is no 'how'. The 'how' is the trouble. You already know too many techniques to be happy; that's what is creating the mess. Drop it. Remember that old man, the eightieth birthday, and how he decided to go without happiness. Can you be unhappy if you decide to go without happiness? Who can make you unhappy then? And how? Suddenly, unhappiness becomes impossible. Unhappiness is a by-product of the desire to be happy. Frustration is a by-product of the desire to succeed. A state of defeated, bored, wearied being, is but a by-product of ambition.

This has to be simply looked into, there is nothing else to do. Just see the fact of it, and the VERY seeing frees you. Jesus says: 'Truth liberates.' I agree -- absolutely right. Truth liberates. Just see the fact of it -- that this is how you have been creating your unhappiness. If you want to create more unhappiness, try to be more happy and you will succeed. Just see the facticity of it. Just watch how you become unhappy. Have you ever been unhappy when you were not expecting anything? When you don't expect, you are simply happy. Happiness is natural; unhappiness is earned. Unhappiness needs much effort; happiness is simply the case.

Yes, everything that is really worthwhile always happens through grace. When I say 'grace' I don't mean any theological principle. I don't mean that there is a God sitting on top of the roof, watching you: that those who prove to be good-guys will be happy and grace will shower on them and for bad-guys there is hell. Because of your foolishness you even make your God appear foolish.

There is nobody sitting on top of the roof, grace is just the nature of existence. Nobody is giving it to you, pouring it on you. It is not an award that it is given to saints because they prove to be good-guys. Nobody is preventing it from reaching you because you are a sinner and you never listened to the right counsel of the priests, churches, organized religions, because you proved rebellious. Nobody is giving and nobody is preventing.

Grace is existential. It is simply there. It is part of life. Nobody gives it, but you can get it. Nobody prevents it from reaching you but you can prevent it.

It depends on you. It is not a question of praising God and praying to him: 'Be grace-full to us.' It is simply a question that if you don't create an armour around yourself, it reaches. The armour can be of a sinner or the armour can be of a saint. This last thing has to be understood because the armour can be of gold or the armour can be of steel. The question is: if you are armoured, grace will not reach you.

A good man has an ego -- of course, very pious, holy, sacred. A religious man is a pious egoist. He says: 'I have done so many fasts, I have been donating so much money towards philanthropic ends -- for hospitals, for poor people, for this and that, and I have made so many churches and temples, and I have created so many charitable trusts, and I pray every day, and I have not committed a single sin' -- a pride, a deep ego. Now he will not be available to grace.

A sinner also creates his own armour. He says: 'I don't bother about anybody else. I live my own idea. I am against the society.' He is rebellious, he commits sins just to enhance his ego so he can say: 'I am I. I don't bother about anybody.' Now he is also creating an ego, a steel ego. The religious man has a golden ego. But steel or gold doesn't make any difference.

Whom do I call 'the true sage'? The true sage is one who has no armour, who has no shelter, who is not protected by anything.

A true sage is one who is open to existence to flow through him -- open to the winds, open to the sun, open to the stars.

A true sage is a deep emptiness. Everything passes through him, nothing is hindered. Then every moment is grace. And every moment is eternity. And every moment is God. And then God is not something separate from you; it is your innermost core.


Next: Chapter 2, To walk with one's own light, The fourth question


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Chapter 2






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