Question 6

QUESTIONER: IF TWO MEN SHARE A COMMON ADDICTION THEY BECOME FRIENDS.

You say if two men are addicted to the same thing they become friends. In this context a few things have to be understood.

It is possible two persons of the same type become friends if they share a common addiction, but such a friendship is not real, it is propped up by addiction. Remove the prop of addiction and the friendship will go down the drain. Two alcoholics become friends because they drink together, attend a common club, play common games. But it is alcohol that unites them. Remove the bottle and they will turn their backs on each other.

True friendship is always without a cause. Love is causeless. If there is a cause, it is just association, not friendship. And there is a great difference between association and friendship.

If two persons are traveling by a common route, they can come together and become friendly to each other -- but it is not friendship. Reaching their destination they will part company. Friendship based on a common addiction is like friendship between fellow travelers. It is friendship in name only.

The truth is that friendship always happens between persons of opposite orientations. The opposite attracts, is the rule. The more opposite two per sons are, the deeper their friendship. In fact, opposites are not really opposites, they are complementary to each other. Because of it you will rarely find two equally intelligent persons making friends; if they do they will only quarrel and wrangle over every conceivable issue. An intelligent person will find a stupid partner to join him in friendship, so they complement each other.

Two powerful persons will not make friends; not even two persons having the same skills. You will rarely come across two poets or two painters as intimate friends. If two poets become friends, the cause of friendship will be something other than poetry. Maybe they drink together or gamble together, but then it is association and not friendship.

Psychologists believe if there is intimate friendship between two men, deep down it is a homosexual relationship. Similarly they think any such intimacy between two women to be homosexual. You will find it difficult to agree with the psychologists, but there is some element of truth in what they say. It has been observed that more or less everyone misses the intimate friendship of his early years for the test of his life, because there is a phase of homosexual relationship in everyone's life in his adolescence. Before they get interested in the opposite sex boys get interested in boys and girls in girls. In fact, before they attain sexual maturity there is not much difference between a boy and a girl as far as sex is concerned. So boys become interested in boys and girls in girls. For this reason friendships struck in the early years are so enduring.

After they attain sexual maturity, boys and girls who are psychologically natural and normal begin to take interest in the opposite sex. Then they become what psychologists call heterosexual. Old relationships are forgotten and new intimacies with the opposite sex begin to build up. Of course, about twenty to thirty percent of young men and women remain fixed at their adolescence, which means their psychological age is stuck at fourteen years. It means they are not growing psychologically; they are stunted and sick and need psychotherapy.

If a young woman of twenty-five continues to be interested in members of her own sex, if she refuses to take interest in some young men, there is certainly something wrong with her psyche and she needs treatment. It does not mean that now they will not enter into friendship with any members of their own sex; they will -- but it will be a kind of association, it can. not be real friendship. Two men or women will be friends if they ate members of the same club -- say the Rotary Club, or if they subscribe to the same political ideology -- say communism, or they are disciples of the same guru. But these relationships can never have the depth and intimacy of the early years.

The opposite has great attraction. Look at it from some different angles. Often lovers of good clothes are attracted by a naked fakir; lovers of delicious dishes become disciples of a master who is known for fasting. It is ironic that the followers of a renunciate saint comprise those who are known for their indulgence. It is deserving of serious consideration that while Mahavira, the founder of Jainism remained naked, most of the Jainas chose to sell clothes -- and they have been selling clothes down the centuries. Fot sure, people who loved good clothes were attracted by the nude Mahavira and they became his followers. It is surprising but true that Mahavira renounced a kingdom and became a beggar, and the Jainas are the richest community in India.

This is not accidental; there is a sound reason behind it. When Mahavira renounced his kingdom and wealth -- he really gave away every bit of his pos sessions to the poor before he left for the forest -- it was the wealthy class, chasing wealth that was most impressed by Mahavira's sacrifice. While they clung to every penny like leeches, there was Mahavira who threw away a whole kingdom. He became God in their eyes. Mahavira attracted them because of their attachment to wealth.

A renunciate would not be influenced by Mahavira. He would say, "There is nothing great in parting with trash; wealth is trash." But those who took trash for diamonds bowed down to Mahavira and worshipped him. Even one who cannot give up a thing cherishes a desire to give up, renunciation becomes his ideal, his dream. He knows in his heart of hearts that clinging is painful and he dreams of the day when he will be capable of renunciation. So a renunciate becomes his polestar; he worships him as his God. This is how renunciates are surrounded by those who are steeped in indulgence.

The opposite works like a magnet, it is magnetic. And it works on its own as every scientific law does. If we understand this law rightly we can divide the whole world into different magnetic fields of consciousness, as the physicists do in regard to matter and energy. Then we will know how consciousness is attracted, drawn and formed and then it disappears. Very strange things happen in the world of consciousness which are not apparent.

So whenever you are attracted to someone, know well that he is not your type -- he is your opposite, your complementary. He can never help you in your spiritual journey. He can however be helpful in your worldly life, and he can also help you in a way to know your type.