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Sufism

THE WISDOM OF THE SANDS, VOL. 1

Chapter 8: There is no Ladder

Question 7

 

 

Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Sufism                 The Wisdom of the Sands, Vol. 1

 

 

And the last question:

Question 7

IT IS TRUE THAT IN A VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WHEN ONE 'PLAYS' THE GOOD, UNDERSTANDING, CALM AND RELAXED ONE, IT IS ONLY LEFT FOR THE OTHER TO BE NERVOUS, TENSE AND ANGRY? PLEASE EXPLAIN.

Yes, a certain kind of balancing always happens in relationship. If one is playing very calm and quiet and cool, the other will have to do all the work of being angry, nagging, miserable, fighting.

Just a few days ago Chaitanya Hari had asked a question, "Why did Socrates continue to live with this naggy-daggy woman, Xanthippe?"

The question is relevant, because he is also living with a naggy-daggy woman, Krishna. But remember, Socrates was responsible. He was playing too cool, too philosophical. Xanthippe was not as bad as she appears. If you go into the psychology of it, she was the victim of a philosopher. She had to do all the work, the poor woman.

And so is the case with Krishna! Krishna was saying to me, "Osho, do you think this Chaitanya Hari is a saint?" He is not! He only pretends! Now Chaitanya Hari is also responsible if Krishna turns out to be a Xanthippe. She alone will not be responsible.

There is a kind of balancing. Whenever two persons are together a balancing happens. Don't try to play cool, otherwise the other will have to become more hot than needed. Don't try to play like heaven, otherwise the other will become hell. Be natural, be normal. It is sometimes good to be angry and sometimes good to be sad, and sometimes to be hellish and sometimes to be heavenly.

Then both remain natural, then both remain normal. A normal relationship is a hell-heaven relationship. When one is -- pretends to be -- heavenly or hellish, then the other is not left with anything else. The only role left is to do the opposite. This has to be understood. This is one of the greatest problems in the world.

I have heard....

Once Avicenna, an Arabian physician and philosopher, hearing of the spiritual fame of Abel Hasan Khargani, visited the Master at his home in Khargani. At the time the Master was absent from his home, having gone to the nearby jungles to fetch firewood at the request of his wife. When his wife was asked by Avicenna where the Master was, she replied hotly, "Why do you wish to see that lunatic and imposter? What business have you with him?" And she went on at length criticizing and belittling the Master, and disparaging his spiritual status.

Avicenna was greatly perplexed. What she said contradicted what he had previously heard, and he felt disinclined to continue his search for him. However, seeing he had come so far just to see the Master, he finally decided to do so. On going towards the jungle he was astounded to see approaching him the Master returning from the jungle with a great bundle of firewood loaded on the back of a tiger.

The philosopher, after paying respects, inquired of the Master the meaning of and difference between what he had been told by the wife and what he had seen with his own eyes.

The Master replied, "There is nothing amazing about it. It is a mere question of labor. When I put up with and bear the load of suffering from the wolf (read 'wife') in my house, then automatically this tiger from the jungle carries my load for me."

The Sufi Master is saying "There is a kind of balancing in existence too." Not only is there a balancing between Xanthippe and Socrates, there is a balancing between this couple and existence too. Socrates was immensely respected by people; disrespected by the wife, tortured by the wife, but respected by the people.

This story is beautiful. Khargani is saying, "It is a mere question of labor, there is nothing amazing about it. When I put up with and bear the load of suffering from the wolf in my house, then automatically this tiger from the jungle carries my load for me."

Always remember, life can exist only in balance. It has always been so. Good women always find bad husbands, and good husbands always find bad women, bad wives. It is such that there is no exception to it. There cannot be any exception to it.

One man went to Socrates and asked, "I would like to be married. I am young. What do you suggest, because I have heard so many stories about your married life? You are the most experienced person about marriage. I have come for your advice. What should I do? Is it right to get married, or is it good to remain a bachelor? Which is more blissful?"

Socrates said, "You better get married."

The young man said, "You puzzle me."

Socrates: "There is nothing to be puzzled about, it is simple. If you get such a woman as I have got, you will become a great philosopher. I have had to become! This is sheer necessity! Just to survive I have had to become tranquil and meditative and silent. This has helped me immensely. And if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad wife you will become a philosopher. In both ways you will be profited. Get married!"

But I cannot say that Socrates is not responsible in Xanthippe's behavior. And I cannot say that Sufi Master Abel Hasan Khargani is not responsible in his wife's behavior.

That's why in the East many seekers of truth have remained bachelors. There is a reason for it. The reason is, the fundamental reason is -- not that you cannot attain to truth with a wife -- because of compassion, because if you become too meditative living with a wife, you will destroy her being. She will start balancing, she will become ugly, she will become negative. If you are all positivity she will become negativity. Then you will be committing a crime against her, and you will be responsible for it. Down the ages, in the East, seekers of truth have remained bachelors. It is just out of compassion: why destroy another human being?

Socrates was so silent, so meditative, so involved in his search for truth: the wife simply felt neglected, ignored. She wanted his attention. I can see it happening -- pouring the kettle-bottle on him she was simply asking for attention. He must have been too cold, so she was making him a little hot. He must have been in a kind of dispassion, she was trying to create some passion in him. If he could be angry, then he could be loving too.

But he was not angry. He used it as a device: he became even more calm and quiet. He allowed that hot water to burn his body, but he remained a witness. Now this must have driven the wife more crazy. How can you forgive such a husband who will not jump and hit you back? If he had hit the wife back the wife would have become cooler.

If you are married it is better to remain normal. Your search for truth should be interior. In your relationship with the wife or with the husband you should remain a normal human being. Otherwise you will be committing a crime, a sin: you will destroy the woman or the man. Then meditate when you are alone. And sometimes if it is needed, be angry! Just in play, act it, even if it is not needed, because once you have decided to live with a woman or a man you have certain responsibilities to fulfill. You have to be angry sometimes too -- that is your responsibility.

If Chaitanya Hari does not understand, then Krishna is going to become a naggy-daggy woman, and half of the responsibility will be his.

Now he sits silently and meditates upon music -- and in the middle of the night! Krishna jumps on him and beats him. No wife can tolerate this, no woman can tolerate that she is there, alive, warm, full of love, wants to be hugged, cared for, caressed -- and you are sitting there thinking of music? It can't be allowed, it is too much. I have all sympathy for Krishna. All that she wants is, "Come to bed. Hug me, be with me. It is enough. The whole day you have been thinking about music and meditation, there is a time to relax too."

If one decides to be in a relationship one has to take care not to destroy the other, not to throw the other to the polarity too much. Life balances itself. If you are all positive the other becomes all negative. So be fifty-fifty, negative-positive both, so the other also remains fifty-fifty, negative-positive both. And when both are both, there is a kind of beautiful relationship, a beauty arises. There is great music and harmony. They become an orchestra.

If it is not happening it is better to be a bachelor, it is better to be alone. At least you will not be disturbing any other human being.

The East is right: if you are a seeker after truth it is better to be alone. And if you are already in a relationship and then the search for truth has started, then at least you can act. There is no need to be really angry, you can act and that will do. You can be hot sometimes. At least you can show it -- that much you owe to the other.

A story... Krishna and Chaitanya Hari have to meditate over it.

Wearied from the long drive, the model stopped at a motel, only to be told that the last room had just been rented, but if she didn't mind, there was a couch in one room which she could use provided the male occupant of the room had no objection.

The model knocked on the door and said to the man, "Look, you don't know me, I don't know you, we don't know them, they don't know us. Can I please bunk on your couch for a while?"

"Sure," he said -- and went back to sleep.

A little while later, the model woke him up and said, "Look, you don't know me, I don't know you, we don't know them, they don't know us -- do you mind if I just sleep on the edge of the bed?"

"Okay," he said, and fell asleep again.

A short while later, the model again woke him up and said, "Look, I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know them, they don't know us, so what do you say we have a party?"

"Look," said the man, "if I don't know you, you don't know me, we don't know them and they don't know us -- then who in hell are we gonna invite to the party?"

 

Next: Chapter 9: Experience is the Heart of the Matter, Question 1

 

Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Sufism                 The Wisdom of the Sands, Vol. 1

 

 

Chapter 8

 

 

 

 
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