Sufism, Vol. 2 Sufis: The People Of The Path Chapter 14: A Singular Mess, Question 2

The second question:

Question 2

THE THEORY THAT WE HAVE TO PUSH, FORCE AND KICK OURSELVES -- IS.THIS TRUE? I HATE FIGHTING MYSELF.

Look at the question. I go on saying to you that truth is not somewhere else, it is here. You have not to struggle your way towards it. It is through the struggle that you are missing it. You are not to push the river. By pushing the river you will never reach anywhere. You will simply get tired and exhausted.

By pushing the river you are only creating the possibility of your utter failure. You cannot fight with the river. The river is huge -- life's river, the river of existence, is so huge -- and you are so tiny. You are just a ripple in the ocean -- a ripple trying to fight with the ocean, trying to direct the ocean, trying to achieve a private goal. It is simply ridiculous. And all struggle makes you ridiculous; all struggle makes you tired, exhausted, dull, sad, miserable.

But one thing is there in the struggle -- that thing is that you feel you are. The ego feels very good. You are fighting, you are giving a good fight. Maybe you cannot win but nobody can say that you were a coward, nobody can say that you didn't give a good fight. Maybe you cannot win, or who knows, maybe you can win -- the mind goes on thinking in these ways. Maybe others have not won but you may be the exception. Maybe it is left for you to do what others have not done. Give it a good try. The ego will feel good -- you are doing something. The bigger the fight, the bigger the ego will be. The more you push the river the more you feel you are. Against the river you feel 'I am'. The feeling of 'I am' always comes when you are against something. The more you fight and protest, the more you struggle, the more you will feel that you are -- defined, well-defined.

Take the other as an enemy and he becomes your definition; take the other as a friend and your boundaries are no longer clear-cut. When you are sitting by the side of your friend or your beloved, the boundaries are not clear. They are overlapping. You are overflowing into each other. You don't know where you end and where your friend begins. And if the friendship is really deep, something immensely beautiful happens -- egos disappear.

There is an Indian myth. To understand the myth you will have to understand these three words....

First the myth. It is the myth of the creation. It is far more beautiful than any other myth of creation. Hindus say that HE w as alone -- 'he' means God. He was alone but not really alone, because he was two in one. He was man and woman together. He was in a deep loving embrace. But he was also one because there was no boundary. It was not possible to say where he ended and where his beloved began. The man and the woman were almost one in a cosmic embrace, ecstatically lost into each other.

Eternity passed and he started feeling alone. Naturally, when you don't have a definition, then it doesn't matter whether you are two, you feel as if you are alone. He started feeling alone. The aloneness became too heavy so he decided to separate. So he fell into two parts.

The Sanskrit word for falling apart is PAT -- PAT means falling apart, to fall. From PAT comes the Hindi word PATAN -- PATAN means fall. He fell in two. And because of the word PAT, a husband in India is called PATI and a wife is called PATNI. He fell into two parts -- one part became PATI, husband, the other part became PATNI, wife. The words PAT, and PATNI are derived from PAT -- he fell in two.

And since then, the myth says, they have been trying to reach each other again, because now they are feeling very much separated and divorced. Hence the desire for love, the immense desire for love, the search for the other -- to find someone with whom you can be one again.

When you are together with a beloved one you lose identities. You cannot feel who you are because the other is involved, intimately involved, in your being. In love, ego disappears. When you hate, when you fight, when you struggle, ego arises. When you are sitting with your enemy you are perfectly well-defined because you are not overflowing, he is not overflowing. You don't meet anywhere. There is distance.

So the whole thing is that when you struggle, it is not for truth. When you struggle, it is not for nirvana, enlightenment. When you struggle, the deep urge is to declare yourself -- that you are powerful, that you are against the world, against existence. But then there is trouble also. Once you declare 'I am', there arises a great fear that if 'I am' then there is every possibility that one day 'I may not be'.

You have to understand this. This is one of the basic, fundamental problems each intelligent person has to face. First you try to declare 'I am' and you feel very good that 'I am', that 'I am somebody, someone special.' So for your whole life you try to become special, extraordinary in some way or other: become a famous painter or a poet or a politician; have more money than anybody else has; make a palace to live in so everybody feels jealous; in some way prove that you are special, you are not in an ordinary rut, you are not of the crowd, you are above the crowd; or become an ascetic, renounce the world; or stand on your head and become a yogi -- but do something so that the whole world comes to know that you are not ordinary, you are special. People do so many things so different from each other, but the motive is the same. If you go deeper you will find the same motive. They want to declare to the world 'I am'.

But then a problem arises. First you have to struggle to prove that you are, and then once you have proved it, anxiety comes in. The anxiety is that if you are, you can disappear too. Anything that is, is going towards annihilation. The tree was there yesterday, now it is gone. The flower was there in the morning; in the evening it has gone, withered away. The child was alive and now the child is dead. Everywhere you see that birth is continuously followed by death. - Existence is surrounded by non-existence. Life seems to be always provoking death -- they seem to be parallel.

Once you have defined yourself clearly -- that 'I am this' -- once you have become this, suddenly a great trembling arises in your being when you see that you can disappear, that you will die. How again misery settles in.

First you create the ego, then the fear comes that the ego will disappear. If you don't create the ego there is no fear of death, it is not possible at all -- because if you are not, how can you die? If you are not, then there is no death. Death is always of the ego. Once ego is not there, how can you die?

Just the other night I was reading a case, a very strange case. A child was born in Philadelphia. It was a premature birth, it was a miscarriage. But it was a rare phenomenon -- the child was alive although it should not have been alive according to medical science. It weighed only half a pound, but it was alive.

Now the difficulty was that medical science says you cannot call a child who is born below one pound, alive -- because it never happens. one pound at least to a must -- even the child of one pound is not going to live, but he can be alive for a few days or a few moments. But this child did not weigh even one pound. So the doctor could not give him a certificate of birth. But the child was alive and the child lived for two days. For forty-eight hours the child lived. No birth certificate was issued.. And then the child died. Now, no death certificate could be issued because when the child was never born how can you certify that he is dead? But up to now things were simple.

But then the hospital demanded money from the parents for forty-eight hours of care and medicine and this and that. So the parents said, 'But when the child was never born and it never died, about whom are you talking? What are you talking about? You say you cared for forty-eight hours, but for whom did you care?'

Now it was such a complicated case that the hospital authorities had to keep quiet, to keep mum. They didn't go to the court because it would not have been possible. First the child should have been given a birth certificate, then a death certificate -- then money for those forty-eight hours of care would have been possible.

Death is possible only if the ego is born. If the ego is not there, there cannot be any death. Then life is eternal. Then life has a different quality to it -- a quality of eternity, of immortality. The ego wants to be immortal. That is not possible. You are immortal but the ego cannot be immortal. The ego will have to die -- not one but a thousand and one deaths. And the ego is very, very vulnerable, very delicate. If somebody insults it, there is a death, a small death. If your business goes bankrupt, there is a small death. If something goes wrong, a small thing, there is a death. Small things, and you die many times. The ego is always ready to die because it is a false artefact, it is a pseudo phenomenon. And to keep it alive you will have to keep pushing the river.

So first conflict, struggle, violence, aggression, are needed for the ego to exist. They are the fuel, the food for it. But they create misery. And the greater misery comes when ego has been created -- then fear arises, the fear of death. So the ego simply suffers. The non-ego state is the state of celebration.

You ask me: THE THEORY THAT WE HAVE TO FORCE, PUSH AND KICK OURSELVES -- IS THIS TRUE? That's what I have been telling you -- that it is the most dangerous calamity that has happened to humanity. The idea to force, kick, push, fight -- that is the most dangerous idea that has poisoned humanity. But if you want to have an ego that is the only way. You will have to drink the poison. And you will be suffering and suffering and you will remain in hell, but you will have one good feeling -- that 'I am'.

George Bernard Shaw is reported to have said.... When he was dying somebody asked him, 'Where would you like to go? To heaven or hell?' He said, 'That depends. If I can be first in heaven then I will go to heaven, but I have to be number one. If that is not possible -- because others have reached before, Jesus and Buddha, etcetera -- if they have already occupied important positions, if they are sitting by the side of God already, then I would like to go to hell. But I want to be first anywhere. Even hell is okay.'

He was joking against the whole human mind. What he was saying is true. You look deep in your mind -- where would you like to go? To hell, if you can be made a king there? Or to heaven, if you have to be a servant there? And you will be surprised to find that you agree with Bernard Shaw. Your mind will say, 'What will you do just being a servant? Forget all about it. Hell is far better. You will be the king.' Of course you will suffer but it is worth it. Kings suffer, but it is worth it. Politicians suffer, but it is worth it. Rich people suffer, but it is worth it. Poor people may not suffer that much -- they don't suffer, they cannot afford that much suffering. That much suffering is only possible when you can afford it. Nobodies don't suffer much; there is nothing to suffer. You cannot humiliate them, they are already standing at the back. You cannot throw them further back.

Beggars don't suffer that much. How can a beggar suffer as much as Richard Nixon? It is impossible. Where can you throw a beggar? He is already there -- where can you throw him? He cannot suffer. But he is a beggar, a nobody. That is continuously like a knife in his heart -- 'I am nobody.' The beggar also wants to be somebody. Even if it comes through suffering, it is okay.

One has to look into this dangerous mind -- that it wants to have an ego even though hell is created in getting it. The mind is not ready to be happy and sane and blissful if the ego has to be lost. And you all go on doing the same thing. I watch you doing it every day. For small things you are ready to drop your blissfulness, but you cannot drop your ego. And you are ready to suffer as much as possible, as much as you can tolerate, if it helps the ego. Beware of it.

I am not telling you to force your way; there is no need. Relax. Let go. Start flowing with the stream. Not even swimming is needed; simply let the stream take you. It will take you to the ocean. It is already going to the ocean, you need not push. Push is needed when you start trying to go upstream. When you start going against nature then push, conflict, struggle, is needed. When you are going according to nature there is no need to struggle -- nature is already going that way. Relax with it. And then there is a great song in the heart because all misery disappears.

But with misery you also disappear. You cannot have both. Yourself and bliss, that is not possible. It is not possible because nature does not function that way. You will have to drop one. Either you drop bliss and you be, or you drop your ego and let bliss be. It is your choice. And that's why I go on saying again and again that to be miserable is your choice.

You come and ask me how to drop the misery. You want to drop the misery without dropping the ego. But that is not possible. And if I say 'Drop the ego' I always see in your eyes that you think I am changing the subject. You think you have come to ask how to drop the misery and I am talking about something else. I am saying 'Drop the ego.' Of course it looks as if it is something else.

Mulla Nasrudin was sitting with a beautiful woman on a full-moon night talking about great things. He was getting very romantic. But women are very earthly, earthbound, very practical.

When Mulla was getting really too high the woman said, 'Mulla, your love is okay, but will you marry me?'

Mulla said, 'Listen, don't change the subject.'

That I have seen many times in your eyes. You bring one problem, and I start talking about something else. It is only on the surface that it appears to be something else -- to me it is the cause. You want to drop the misery but you don't want to drop the ego. And misery cannot be dropped. Misery is a shadow of the ego. Only the ego can be dropped. Dropping the ego, the misery disappears. That seems to be too great a price to pay. You say, 'I will think it over.' You are not really interested in dropping the misery. If you are really interested, then just by seeing the fact you will drop the ego immediately.

Sigmund Freud has said that man is naturally miserable. I don't believe in it, but about ninety-nine per cent of people he is right. I cannot deny that. Freud feels that there is no hope for man; man is basically miserable. His misery cannot be transformed. He cannot be made happy. Man's demands are impossible -- that's what Freud means. Man demands the impossible. He wants to have a great ego and he wants to be happy.

It is as if you want the full sun, with no clouds, but still you want the coolness of the dark night, the silence of the dark night. And you want the full sun in the sky, you want it sunny. Now you are demanding impossibilities. This is not possible. You can only pretend. That's what people go on doing. You can pretend. You can sit on the beach on a sunny day and keep your eyes closed. This is a pretension. If you keep your eyes closed you create a darkness inside. You have both -- the night and the day. But this is a pretension. It is really day; the night is just a false illusion you have created by closing your eyes. The impossible cannot be done.

The sane man always looks into his life to see whether he is trying to do the impossible. The moment he sees he is trying to do something which cannot be done in the very nature of things. he drops it. That project is immediately dropped. This I call sanity.

Insane people are those who go on fighting, not looking at the phenomenon at all -- as if they are trying to make a square circle. You can go on trying but it will never happen -- because a circle is a circle and can never be a square. And a square is a square and can never be a circle. You can go on trying but you will be a failure. The whole humanity is a failure -- trying to do the impossible.

And you say: I HATE FIGHTING MYSELF. Now that again is a fight. Hate! First you fight, that is wrong. Then you do a second wrong thing, even deeper -- then you fight against fight because you hate it. I am teaching acceptance, tathata. I am teaching you a total acceptance of life as it is -- everything included. Now again you will see that there is some difficulty.

For example, you see that you go on fighting. Should you accept this too? I say yes. Only by accepting it will it disappear. Through acceptance, things change. You should accept everything, even the fight. What can you do? If you are fighting and pushing the river, you will be creating another problem. If I say 'Don't fight', then you will start fighting your fight. That will be even more subtle. It will be on a deeper level. The fight will remain. When I say 'Drop fighting', I am not saying 'Start fighting against fight'. I am saying 'Accept'. If you feel like pushing the river, push. Don't create a new fight against it. Go on pushing, just seeing the whole nonsense of it. See that it is stupid, that what you are doing is stupid. The river cannot be pushed back. Go on pushing and go on watching and accept it.

In that acceptance, in that awareness, one day suddenly you will find your hands have stopped. But it is not that you have stopped them -- if you stop them then you have missed. Then again it has been a fight of stopping. First you were fighting with the river, then you started fighting with your fighting -- and you are somehow holding your hands so that they don't start pushing the river again. This will not be a very beautiful state. It will be tense, there will be anguish, and you will be holding yourself You will not be flowing, you will not be streaming with joy, you will be repressing. And at any moment, at any opportunity, you will again start pushing the river. How long can you repress the desire?

So listen to me, listen very meditatively. If you are pushing the river I am not saying stop it, I am simply saying that by pushing the river nothing is achieved. Listen to it. Let this sink into your heart. And if you feel like pushing because of old habits -- you have been pushing for many lives -- -go on pushing, but go on seeing the fact that this is stupid, that you are being stupid. Don't pull away from it, don't try to control yourself. Let it happen -- but with the vision that it is stupid, that it is meaningless, that nothing is going to come out of it. Let it happen -- but with no expectation, waiting for frustration, knowing perfectly well that frustration is coming, that you are wasting your energy, that it is because of old habits. Go on, don't pull back.

And one day you will see that the hands are getting slower and slower. You are not pushing as hard as you used to. And some day, when you have a clear vision, when you are transparent, you will see the whole absurdity. Seeing, there is transformation. Once seen totally, the hands simply stop. Not that you stop them, they stop of their own accord. And when they stop of their own accord there is great grace, there is great beauty.

Sufism

VOL. 2, SUFIS: THE PEOPLE OF THE PATH

Chapter-14

A Singular Mess