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Chapter 8: Not Knowing is the Most Intimate

Question 3

 

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The third question

Question 3
OSHO,
WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG FOR ME TO GET IT?

Pankaja,
IT T IS BECAUSE OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE. Pankaja has written many books; she has been a well-known author. And here I have given her the work of cleaning. In the beginning it was very hurtful to her ego. She must have been hoping some day to get a Nobel prize! And she has been wondering what she is doing here. Her books have been praised and appreciated, and rather than giving her some work nourishing to her ego I have given her very ego-shattering work: cleaning the toilets of the ashram. It was difficult for her to swallow, but she is a courageous soul, she swallowed it. And slowly slowly she has become relaxed.
Pankaja, it is not special to you; it takes time for everybody. And the more successful you have been in life, the more it takes for you to get it, because your very success is nothing but a prop, a new prop for the ego -- and ego is the barrier. The ego has to be shattered, uprooted totally, smashed, burned, so nothing remains of it. It is arduous work, hard work.
And sometimes it looks as if the Master is cruel. But the Master has to be cruel because he loves you, because he has compassion for you. It may appear paradoxical in the beginning -- because if you have compassion, then you can't be cruel. That is the complexity of the work: that if the Master is really compassionate he cannot sympathize with anything that nourishes your ego.
So I have been in every way shattering Pankaja's ego. She has been crying and weeping and freaking out...but slowly slowly things have settled. The storm is no more and a great silence has come in.
In fact, if you think of your many past lives -- such a long long sleep, such a long long dreaming -- then just being here with me for two, three years is not a long time if the silence has started permeating your being. Even if it happens in thirty years' time it is happening soon.
Many people come to me and ask, "Osho, when is my satori going to happen?"
I say, "Very soon" -- but remember what I mean by "very soon." It may take thirty years, forty years, fifty years, but that is very soon. Looking at your long long journey of darkness, if within thirty years we can create the light it is really as fast as it can be.
But things are happening far more quickly. Every situation is being created here so processes can be quickened. It is not too late, Pankaja, it is too early. And I can see the change happening. The spring is not far away; the first flowers have already appeared.
In fact, this was your vocation, but it took so many years of your life to reach me. What you were doing before you came to me was not really part of your heart; it was just a head trip -- hence it was not a fulfillment. Successful you could become; famous, yes, that was possible. But it would not have been a contentment, it would not have been a deep deep joy -- because unless something that belongs to your heart starts growing, contentment is not possible, fulfillment is not possible.
Now you are on the right track. Now things will happen with a faster pace. Speed also is accumulative. If you have watched the spring, first only one flower blooms, and then ten flowers, then hundreds of flowers, and then thousands, and then millions....
Just like that it happens in spiritual growth too. But everybody is stumbling in darkness, groping in darkness. Somebody becomes a poet not knowing whether that is his vocation, his heart's real desire. Somebody becomes a musician not knowing whether that is going to fulfill his life. Somebody becomes a painter.... And people have to become something; some earning is needed and one has to do something to prove oneself. So people go on groping and they become something.
And you are fortunate, Pankaja, that you came to realize that what you were doing was not the real thing for you. There are many unfortunate people -- after their whole lives are wasted, then they recognize that they have been into something which was not their real work. They were doing somebody else's work.

I have heard about a famous surgeon, one of the world's most famous surgeons. He was retiring. Even at the age of seventy-five his hands were as young as they had been before. He was able to do brain surgery even at the age of seventy-five; his hands were not yet shaky.
Everybody was happy -- his disciples, students, colleagues -- and they were celebrating. But he was sad. Somebody asked him, "Why are you sad? You are the world's most famous brain surgeon. You should be happy!"
He said, "Yes, I should be happy, I also think so, but what can I do? I never wanted to be a famous surgeon in the first place. I wanted to be a dancer -- and I am the lousiest dancer you can find. My father FORCED me to be a surgeon -- and he was right in a way, because by dancing what can you get? The very idea was silly in his eyes, so he forced me to be a surgeon. I became a surgeon, I became famous. NOW I am retiring, but I am sad -- my whole life has gone down the drain. I never wanted to be a surgeon in the first place, so who cares whether I am famous or not? I would have loved to be just a good dancer, even if unknown, anonymous -- that would have been enough."

While questioning a suspect, the police detective leafed through the man's folder. "I see here," he said, "that you have a string of previous arrests. Here is one for armed robbery, breaking and entering, sexual assault, sexual assault, sexual assault...."
"Yes, sir," replied the felon modestly, "it took me a little while to find out what I do best."

Pankaja, you came to me in the right time. Rejoice! Celebrate! And things have started happening. You were like a hard rock when you came; now you are becoming soft like a flower. The spring is not far away.


 

Next: Chapter 8: Not Knowing is the Most Intimate, Question 4

 


Energy Enhancement             Enlightened Texts             Zen            Ah, This!

 

 

Chapter 8:

 

 

 

ENERGY

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GAIN ENERGY APPRENTICE LEVEL1

THE ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL PROCESS

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STUDENTS EXPERIENCES  2005 AND 2006

 

MORE STUDENTS EXPERIENCES

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2003 COURSE

 
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