| ENERGY
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GAIN ENERGY APPRENTICE
LEVEL1
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THE ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL
PROCESS
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THE KARMA CLEARING
PROCESS APPRENTICE LEVEL3
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MASTERY
OF RELATIONSHIPS TANTRA APPRENTICE LEVEL4
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RETURNING TO THE SOURCE
Chapter 9: He Did Not Feel It So Deeply
Energy Enhancement Enlightened Texts Zen Returning to the Source
AN OLD MAN WHO WAS BORN IN YEN, BUT GREW UP IN CHU'U DECIDED TO RETURN TO HIS NATIVE COUNTRY.
WHILE HE WAS PASSING THROUGH THE STATE OF CHIN HIS COMPANIONS DECIDED TO PLAY A JOKE ON HIM.
POINTING TO A CITY THEY SAID TO HIM: THIS IS THE CAPITAL OF YEN. THE OLD MAN COMPOSED HIMSELF AND LOOKED SOLEMN. INSIDE THE CITY THEY POINTED OUT A SHRINE: THIS IS THE SHRINE OF YOUR QUARTER. HE BREATHED A DEEP SIGH. THEY POINTED OUT A HUT: THIS WAS YOUR FATHER'S COTTAGE. TEARS WELLED UP. THEY POINTED OUT A MOUND: THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S TOMB. HE COULD NOT HELP WEEPING ALOUD.
HIS COMPANIONS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER: WE ARE TEASING YOU -- YOU ARE STILL ONLY IN CHIN. THE OLD MAN WAS VERY EMBARRASSED.
WHEN HE REACHED YEN, AND REALLY SAW THE CAPITAL, AND THE SHRINE OF HIS QUARTER, AND HIS FATHER'S COTTAGE AND TOMB, HE DID NOT FEEL IT SO DEEPLY.
Your whole world is in your mind. Or rather, your whole world is your mind -- nothing else exists. Whatsoever you see is a projection. Whatsoever you feel is also a projection. That's why Hindus have always been saying that the world is illusory. It is a mirage, it appears but it is not there. And how can this illusion be transcended?
If you can understand it as an illusion, you are already on the way to transcending it. If a dream is realized as a dream, you are already moving away from it, you are awakening.
The world that you see is not the reality, because the reality can be seen only when there is no mind. With a mind in between, the reality cannot be seen -- it is colored. You project your mind on it -- it becomes a screen.
You see a woman as very, very beautiful; others don't see that beauty at all. Does the beauty belong to the woman or to your mind? If it belongs to the woman, then everybody would see her as beautiful. But you can find persons who will look at her ana will be simply disgusted. You can find persons who will not become in any way aware that she is beautiful. And you think that the woman is beautiful -- so where is beauty? Is it in the woman or in your mind? Is it objective or just a subjective phenomenon?
It happened once: I was sitting near the Ganges in Allahabad with a friend. We were talking of God, of meditation, when suddenly the friend lost contact with whatsoever we were saying. I also felt that something had happened, so I asked: What has happened? Because you are no longer here. He said: I cannot be. Look!
Just near the bank a woman was taking a bath but we couldn't see her face. Her back was towards us; a very slender, proportioned body with long hair. And the friend was too much excited -- he was excitement. He said: Wait, I cannot talk about God and meditation right now. It is possible. I will have to go and look at this woman; the body seems to be so beautiful and proportioned. So I said: You go and be finished. You can imagine the romance that was in his step. He walked filled with an illusion, a projection. He walked very softly and delicately, but when he reached her, he suddenly became sad. He came back, and I asked: What happened? He said: She is not a woman at all. He is a sannyasin with long hair. For a moment, he was in a dream.
But he could have been a homosexual -- then just the opposite would have been the case. If she had been a woman, useless. Then the sannyasin, a beautiful male body, would have become the poetry within him.
A homosexual exists in a different world; his projection is different. A heterosexual exists again in a totally different world; his projection is also different. Then there are auto-erotic people who do not bother about homosexuality or heterosexuality; they are so confined to their own bodies -- they exist in a totally different world. And there are people who have transcend sex; they exist in a totally different world. So the world is not out there, it is somewhere within you.
Then there is a point when there is no mind -- this world that you have known up to now simply disappears. Not that nothing remains, not that everything dissolves into nothingness -- no. But all that you have known simply disappears, and the Unknown is faced for the first time.
The world is a projection, existence is not. When the world disappears, existence is there in its absolute glory -- magnificent! But now it is not a projection because there is no projector inside.
Mind is a projector -- watch it! Because this is one of the roots of all your misery, and all your happiness also.
A man who understands is neither happy nor unhappy, he is neither in anguish nor in bliss -- and that is the bliss. He simply exists without any projection. Nothing can make him more happy, nothing can make him more unhappy. He is simply, for the first time, in a deep contentment -- nothing disturbs. And he can see what existence is.
Those who have seen in such a way, without the mind, say that the world is not, God is. The world is a projection -- God is not a projection, God is the reality. And you have been missing it. You have been missing through the projections; you see something else, what you would like to see.
A woman doesn't exist, a man doesn't exist. Woman exists because you are sexual. If within you sex disappears, woman disappears. But there will be somebody, your wife will not simply disappear into thin air. She will be there but she will no longer be a wife, and she will not be a woman.
Suddenly all projections disappear, and there is God. Your wife becomes a God, your child becomes a God, the tree becomes a God, the rock becomes a God. Existence is God. Existence is Divine -- but that you cannot see, because that is the screen on which your Projections are being imposed.
That's why Buddhas have always said that if you have any desires, you cannot know the Truth because your desire will color it. If you want to achieve something you will not be able to know reality. The very effort to achieve something, a desire, will color it.
When you are desireless, when you are not in any way ambitious, when you are not moving to achieve something, when you are simply a being, totally still and quiet, then suddenly the reality appears to you.
So this is the mechanism -- you and the reality, and in between these two, the mind. This is the mechanism of the unreal, the illusory, MAYA. You and the reality and no more mind in between; suddenly, all that is there is revealed, all mysteries open. But when the mind drops the bridge drops. You and reality become one because now there is no dividing line.
Right now, you are there, the mind is there and the world is there: the trinity that all the religions have talked about -- the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost. Hindus call it TRIMURTI. You must have seen three images, of Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh; three faces together. These three faces disappear because these three faces are illusory. Hidden just behind these three faces is one. With that one, there is no object, no subject -- you simply see whatsoever is. That which is, is revealed. But to come to this understanding you will have to understand your illusions, and you have known many. But you never learn anything.
Somebody asked a very old Sufi mystic, Bayazid, when he was dying on his bed: Would you like to say something about man so he can be profited by it? He said: One thing -- man never learns.
You have passed through many experiences, and what have you learned? You remain the same, you go on playing the same game. Have you watched this, that you remain the same? Situations may differ but the game remains the same.
You fall in love with one woman. The moment you fall in love, you cannot believe that a moment will come when this love will disappear -- you cannot believe! It is simply impossible to think that your love can disappear. Then it disappears, then you are fed up with the woman. The same woman was your dream, your desire, if you had not possessed her, you would have cried and wept your whole life. You possess her, you achieve, and sooner or later the boredom sets in. You are fed up, you would like to escape. In that moment you never think back. You never move backwards and see that this is the same woman that you were mad for. One day you were mad to get her, now you are mad to get away from her. One day you were thinking that this was the most beautiful person in the world, and now this same person is the most disgusting. How often do husbands think of killing their wives? How often do wives think of killing their husbands? How often do children, small children, think of killing their parents?
A small boy came back home from school and he was very sad. The mother asked: What is the matter? Why are you so sad? He said: There was a psychoanalyst in our school. He came to test all the boys, and I am the only abnormal one, so I am sad. The mother said: What is your abnormality? What has he said? The boy said: He asked a question, that the children should write whether they would like to kill their parents or not, and I am the only one who wrote 'no'. Everybody else wrote 'yes', so the psychoanalyst said: You are the only abnormal child. Every child wants to kill his parents.
A moment comes when the lover would like to kill the beloved; and she was the goal of all his desires, of all his dreams, of all his poetry. How happily he was thinking of being with her, but it was only in the dreams. Reality is difficult -- it destroys, shatters all dreams. Now he wants to get rid of her, and he will never learn anything.
Sooner or later, he will fall in love again with another woman, and the same thing will be repeated again. The same, with no difference. Again he will think that this is the most beautiful person. Again he will think that now there is no need to seek anybody else, now he is fulfilled, he has got the right person. And he will not be able to see that this is the same pattern. Within a few days again he is finished; again the search starts -- somebody else.
Do you ever learn anything? Have you ever learned anything? And if you don't learn, how can you become mature? And if you don't learn and you repeat the vicious circle again and again, it becomes more and more solid within you, reaches to your very foundations. This is the state of ignorance.
If you start learning, then the circle breaks from somewhere. Then you start seeing the whole pattern of your mind, how it functions -- first in love, then fed up, then again in love, then fed up -- the circle revolves. And if you understand it, suddenly one day the very understanding of its nonsense brings you out of it. Nothing is to be done; you have just to understand, you have just to learn through life.
Move! -- have as many experiences as possible, because experience is the only school. Move and don't be afraid; but learn -- just moving won't do. You have been moving and travelling; that won't help. If you just go on moving in an unconscious way things will become more and more engraved. You will become almost a robot, you will become predictable -- everything can be said about you.
That is why astrology exists; not because anybody knows what stars say, not because anybody knows what is written in your hand, no. Astrology exists because you are predictable, you move in a vicious circle.
One young girl was showing her hand to a gypsy woman. The woman looked at her hand and said: You have fallen in love... The girl was surprised because she had been hiding the fact from everybody.... and the man you have fallen in love with is six feet three inches in height... She was even more surprised: Exactly!... and he has black hair, long flowing black hair. Now it was unbelievable! Then the gypsy girl said: On his right thigh he has the small mark of some wound. It was too much, so she said: How can you know these things through the hand? She said: Who is knowing it through the hand? It is because of your wedding-ring! That wedding-ring was mine three years ago?
You are predictable because you move in a certain pattern, and everybody moves in a certain pattern. If you say just anything to anybody, there is a fifty percent chance of its being right, and fifty percent is too much. Astrologers are clever, nothing else; just cunning. They go on talking and just watching you, how you are feeling. They feel the track just by your face, because you are nodding. You also have a very subtle nod when you say 'yes' inside.
A doctor comes to check me, a very good man. But I need not ask him anything because he goes on nodding or saying no inside. If he checks my chest, he nods. Then I say to myself: Okay, no need to ask him -- a very subtle nod. He will take my blood-pressure and he will nod but he is not aware.
You also are not aware that when you show your hand to somebody you are making indications: Yes, this fits. When a line fits then you are caught, because on that line now, robot-like you will move. You become predictable. Only for a few minutes in the beginning is the palmist in a puzzle, just a few seconds. Once he catches the scent, once he finds the line on which you have been moving, once you nod, you are caught. Now he can go on saying things and they will fit.
You are a robot. Only when you become Enlightened do you become unpredictable. Then no astrologer can say anything about you.
One astrologer came to see me in Bombay, a very famous man. We were discussing and he was saying: No, this is a science. I said: You do one thing; you predict one year for me and I will contradict it completely. If you say that I will not die, I will die; if you say that I will die, I will not die. You predict one year and then decide. He said: Okay, I will come back. He never came again. I inquired many times, because before that he often came.
But about you, things can be said because you move like a mechanism. You cannot change, you are in a grip. If you have fallen in love, you will say the same things that you have said to other girls.
Mulla Nasrudin fell in love with a woman. He said: You are the most lovely person in the world. The girl felt very much, of course. She became very happy, flattered. Looking at her face, Nasrudin said: Wait! Because I have been telling other women this also.
You are the same -- just watch. When you fall in love, you repeat yourself exactly, exactly! Not a single thing changes.
Mulla Nasrudin divorced his wife, and after twelve years they met at a function. By accident they were sitting side by side when Nasrudin became very drunk. He had been drunk the day he proposed to this woman, and again he was drunk. Ho said: What about one more try? -- can we get married again? The woman said: Over my dead body! Nasrudin laughed and he said: You have not changed a little bit. She had said exactly the same thing thirty years before when they got married, and exactly the same situation was repeated on that day also: they met at a function, accidentally sitting by each other's side, and Mulla Nasrudin became very drunk, so he proposed. No man can propose if he is not drunk. How can he propose? And that day also the woman had said: Over my dead body!
Just go back, just see, watch. You may have missed the moment of watching but you can do one thing -- you can relive it. It also is easier.
Reliving is a very beautiful process, a great and deep meditation. If you can live with full awareness in the moment, there is no need. But you cannot; right now it is not possible. So do one thing -- relive. Just close your eyes every night before you go to sleep and go back. Don't remember, relive! When you remember you stand aloof; that won't help. Just relive the whole moment.
You are proposing to a woman; what are you saying? -- what did you say exactly? Say it again, move into the situation again, become the young man you were. And the woman -- look at her, as beautiful as she was that day. Move slowly... and you will see many women, and the same.
That's why Hindus say the world is a wheel. The word samsar which Hindus use for 'the world' means a wheel. The symbol on the Indian national flag is a wheel. That symbol is taken from Buddha because Buddha said that the world is like a wheel. And you are clinging to the wheel, and you go on moving with the wheel,
Become aware that you are repeating. Repetition is unconscious. Become aware that you have been behaving like a robot, not like a man. Become aware. Go back and watch, relive the moments and see that you have been doing the same thing again and again -- the same anger, then again the repentance, the same marriage, and again the divorce, the same falling in love, and then getting fed up. If you can see and watch the repetitiveness of your life, the very understanding that you have been repeating will become a consciousness.
Next time you propose to another woman, you will feel a sudden surge of energy in you, and you will be able to see and feel: No more repetition. Then things will be different.
Learn through life, otherwise things are not going to be different. Everybody thinks: This time it is going to be different. You are not different so how is it going to be different this time? And if you observe closely you will see that not only do you repeat, you fall in love again and again with the same type of man or woman, the same type. It has to be so.
I have heard about one man who was divorced eight times. And then he suddenly became aware: What is happening to me? Is somebody playing a joke or what? Because I always fall in love with the same type of woman again.
Nobody is playing a joke; you are choosing. And if you remain the same and you have not learned, how can you choose another type of person? Again the same type of person will appeal to you. You will fall again in love with the same type of person, then the same circle will be repeated. Eight or eighty times -- it makes no difference. If you remain the same you will do the same. You will again find the same person first appealing, then disgusting.
Learn! Learn through life -- and the greatest lesson is that you don't see reality as it is. You project on it, and when you project, you are bound to become frustrated sooner or later, because the reality cannot adjust to your projection. How can the reality adjust to your projection? Who are you? You have to adjust to reality, reality has not to adjust to your projection. That's why you are in misery -- because you feel every time that something goes wrong. Nothing goes wrong. You start with a dream and the reality doesn't believe in your dream -- that's all. How can you force reality to adjust to your dream?
I see a door in the wall -- my dream, and then I start walking through it -- I am hurt. Not that the wall is there to hurt me; the wall is absolutely unconcerned. If I see a door in the wall, I will be hurt because the wall is not going to concede to my dream.
Reality is vast; it is the Whole. You are just a part and you will only become mature when you stop making this absurd effort. And this is what I call SANNYAS -- a man, a woman who has come to realize: The reality cannot adjust to my dreams, so I will adjust to reality. Immediately, a revolution happens.
You are childish if you go on trying again and again to make reality adjust to your demands, dreams, desires -- to you. Who are you? But this fallacious notion comes up.
When a child is born the mother is the only reality. He is in contact only with the mother and every desire is fulfilled: he is hungry and mother gives him milk; he is thirsty and water is given; he is feeling wet, the clothes are changed; he is not feeling warm, a blanket is put over him -- everything is fulfilled. And every child is a dreamer, has to be. The child starts feeling as if he is the center of the world -- he is here to demand and the world is there to fulfill. If you continue to try it, you remain a child.
I see people not growing at all. They reach their graves but in fact they have remained in their cradles, still playing with toys, still dreaming. Then they weep and cry because the reality doesn't bother about them; they feel frustrated, they feel aggressive, they feel that everywhere something is going wrong and against them -- as if the reality is the enemy.
It is neither enemy nor friend -- it is neither. If you are aware, it becomes your friend; if you are unaware, it proves to be your enemy. In itself it is neither. Reality has no prejudice about you, as a friend or an enemy. Reality simply exists there in all its purity. It is up to you.
If you start fighting with it, it becomes your enemy; if you start adjusting to it, if you start accepting it, if you start flowing with it -- not upstream, but wherever it leads -- if you simply leave yourself to it, it becomes your friend. That is trust; that is SHRADDHA, faith.
Science is conflict, religion is trust. What in fact is science? -- it is an effort to remake reality according to human dreams. It may seem in the beginning that you are succeeding, but sooner or later the success itself proves to be the greatest failure. Wherever science has succeeded, it has come to failure -- wherever! It has changed the whole bio-sphere, and now ecological problems have come up.
Whatsoever science has done will have to be undone sooner or later. Wherever it succeeds it proves to be a failure. Man is not getting happier; this century is the most unhappy century in the whole history of man. Never before has man been so unhappy. And man has succeeded so much, but succeeded in something which is basically wrong.
You are forcing, you are aggressive. Science is like a rape on nature. You can rape a woman but that is not a success; that is not a success at all, that is a failure. Only a man who has failed completely will try rape. One who cannot love will try rape. But rape is not love. Love is when the woman opens herself, surrenders, yields, becomes receptive, celebrates, dances; but then it is not aggression.
Religion is like love, science is like rap. The whole of nature is suffering because of this rape, and it is only a childish effort. You will not see an old ancient country being scientific, no. They have come to that point many times, and they have realized many times that it is childish.
In India, five thousand years ago a war happened. They call it MAHABHARATA, the Great Indian War. If somebody reads about it and analyzes it deeply, it seems they again had come to invent all the weapons we have invented. They had something like the H-bomb, because the description of the destruction is so vast that it could not have been done otherwise. They destroyed the whole country; not only the whole country, the whole world. That time, that moment is history has now almost become a myth because no record exists. The destruction was so vast, so total, that all the records were lost. After that, India has not tried again to be scientific -- it was such a failure. It proved to be destructive, nothing else. Now in the West, we are again reaching that culmination point.
But remember, the whole effort is wrong because of a basic thing, and the basic thing is: that your try to force reality into your dreams. Who are you and what is your dream? You are here for few days -- the reality exists beginningless. You will disappear from here again and the reality will exist eternally.
Who are you -- a dream which exists in reality for seventy years. Seventy years is nothing for reality. And then, a dream within the dream which tries to force reality to fall according to itself. All utopians are foolish, childish.
Those who know, they have come to know that the reality cannot be changed; the only thing that can be changed is oneself. And if one changes, suddenly one can see: this is the wall and that is the door. Then there is no effort to pass through the wall; one moves through the door. Reality becomes a friend.
In the West humanity now feels as if man is a stranger, not at home. If you fight with reality you are bound to feel, some day or other, that you are a stranger -- not only a stranger, but that the reality is against you.
In the East we have always felt that man is at home; reality is the mother, reality is the womb -- we are not strangers, we are not enemies -- reality loves us, that's why we are here. Reality creates us because reality loves us, and we are at home.
But you will not feel that 'at homeness' unless you try to learn one basic thing: drop your dreams. You live according to your dreams and you prove to be a fool in the end. This story is just to show this: how projection affects you. Let us try to understand it.
AN OLD MAN WHO WAS BORN IN YEN, BUT GREW UP IN CHU'U DECIDED TO RETURN TO HIS NATIVE COUNTRY.
WHILE HE WAS PASSING THROUGH THE STATE OF CHIN HIS COMPANIONS DECIDED TO PLAY A JOKE ON HIM.
POINTING TO A CITY THEY SAID TO HIM: THIS IS THE CAPITAL OF YEN.
It was not. But once the old man started to think: It is my country, my capital, here I was born -- a dream started. He was very emotional about it. He had come back to a town and it was not his town, but that was not the point.
If you think it is, then it is; if you don't think it is, then it is not.
Have you ever observed that you can pass through a graveyard and if you don't know that it is a graveyard, you can go singing and laughing? If you know, impossible. If you know it is a graveyard you cannot pass through it alive. You will have to face many difficulties, not because the graveyard creates the difficulties, but because of the thought: This is a graveyard -- you project.
I used to live with one of my relatives. In the night, he gnashed his teeth many times, so I used to play jokes. Whenever somebody new would be staying, I would tell him: Don't move through this room at night, it is very dangerous. A man who used to live here died in the First World War. He had been recently married, married to a very young, beautiful woman -- poor but beautiful, but with only one eye. The man went to war and he never came back. Nobody ever informed the poor woman that he had died. She inquired and inquired; she would go again and again to the post office for a letter. It never came. Then the woman also died, just waiting and waiting and waiting.
She still waits here as a ghost and whenever a new man comes to this house she thinks: Maybe, perhaps my husband has come back. She comes at night, has just one eye and wears a red sari. So it is good to tell you because if we don't tell you and it happens, you may get scared. She never harms anybody, she simply looks. And when she feels he is not the man, she throws the cover-sheet angrily and walks out.
As it happens, almost always people would say: I don't believe it! And this is the right victim! Whenever someone says: I don't believe, he is the right victim. The more forcibly he says that he doesn't believe, the more forcibly he is suppressing a fear.
I would tell him: That is not the question, whether you believe or not -- but it is an experience. We are not forcing any belief on you, you will come to know. I myself never used to believe. but when I saw... what can one do?
Then by and by, the man would start asking: And er... how to know that the woman is in the room?? I would tell him: You will hear a certain noise, as if someone is crunching his teeth.
The man who used to sleep in that room, eight, ten times during the night he would do it -- a few people do. Something is wrong with their stomachs at this time, they are tense, then they crunch their teeth.
One woman came and I told her the story. She said: I don't believe it at all -- a very educated woman, she had a Ph.D. from some university, and thought herself an atheist. I said: That is not the point, this night will prove it. She said: But, I don't believe! I said: That's very good. We don't force belief, but it is just our duty to make you aware that this is going to happen. It always happens.
At twelve in the night I went to sleep, and just when I had put the light out, she screamed. I went in, I looked at her -- she was completely unconscious, she had fainted. The moment she went to her bed and put the light out, the man did his thing exactly at the right moment. It took four or five minutes for her to come to. She would look at the corner of the room, close her eyes and faint again!
The whole night I had to wait on her. In the morning she was still feverish. I said: There are no ghosts, don't be bothered. She said: Now I cannot say. The woman was just standing in the corner gnashing her teeth, one-eyed and wearing a red sari. I have seen her!
This was a joke in the beginning, and the whole family with whom I lived all knew. But by and by, they also became afraid. They said: But when it happens to so many people, there must be something in it. Nobody would sleep in that room, not even the man who crunched his teeth. He said: No, I cannot sleep. Maybe something is there. Maybe because of that woman I crunch my teeth, because the doctors say nothing is wrong. Maybe she forces me, or it is something she is doing.
A time came when if somebody needed something from that room, they would come to me. 'You go, because nobody else is ready to...'
A few years ago, I visited the room. They had locked it because they said that when I left, nobody was ready to enter that room. And sometimes now in the night, even though that man who used to crunch is no more, that sound is heard.
People project; that's why so many ghosts exist. It doesn't depend on reality, it depends on your mind. If you are afraid, you create something through your fear; a counterpart will immediately come into reality. If you love, you create something; a counterpart immediately comes into reality. You live in a shell of your own mind, it covers you like a capsule.
So remember, there is not one world; there are as many worlds as there are minds. If in a home there are five people, there are five worlds. That's why it is so difficult to communicate -- because the other lives in his own world and you live in yours. It is difficult to penetrate.
The town was not the town of his childhood, it was not his birthplace. They were playing a joke.
They said: THIS IS THE CAPITAL OF YEN. THE OLD MAN COMPOSED HIMSELF AND LOOKED SOLEMN. INSIDE THE CITY, THEY POINTED OUT A SHRINE: THIS IS THE SHRINE OF YOUR QUARTER -- this is the temple, your parents worshipped here, and you were initiated a Buddhist in this shrine. HE BREATHED A DEEP SIGH. THEY POINTED OUT A HUT: THIS WAS YOUR FATHER'S COTTAGE. TEARS WELLED UP. They are creating a world around him. THEY POINTED OUT A MOUND: THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S TOMB. HE COULD NOT HELP WEEPING ALOUD.
They have created a world, they have given him a screen, and all his projections have been brought out. HIS COMPANIONS ROARED WITH LAUGHTER: WE ARE TEASING YOU -- YOU ARE STILL ONLY IN CHIN. Your town has not yet been reached, we are passing through another town. THE OLD MAN WAS VERY EMBARRASSED.
When you come to realize, you also will be embarrassed, absolutely embarrassed. Your whole life has been a trick played not by companions, but by your own mind. You were thinking it was beautiful and it was not. You were thinking it was ugly, and it was not. You were thinking this was to be achieved, and it was worthless, and you were thinking this is not of any worth, and it was not so. Everything is topsy-turvy; you live in a chaos.
People come to me and they say: What is the need of a Master? Why is a Master needed? A Master is needed to bring something beyond the mind into you, something foreign. Otherwise, how will you be brought out of your mind? You cannot bring yourself out of your mind. It will be just like pulling yourself up by the strings of your own shoes -- you may try a little jump but again you will be back on the same earth.
Somebody is needed to pull you out, to slap you, to shock you; to shock you so much that your sleep is broken, that your dream is broken. How are your going to do it on your own? And whatsoever you do, your mind will be the doer -- and mind is the problem. Your mind is the problem. How can you come out of it? How can you take a jump out of it? Whatsoever you do will be done by it, whatsoever you think is happening will be created by it. And all the interpretations will be given by the mind.
One night, a policeman saw Mulla Nasrudin. It was late, the whole city had gone to sleep. Mulla was passing, drunk, playing on a mouth-organ. He stopped Nasrudin and said: You are drunk again Nasrudin. You will have to accompany me. Nasrudin said; Sure thing! What you wanna sing?
'You will have to accompany me,' he had said, but when a drunken man listens, he interprets in his own way.
Once he was caught and brought to the police station. He was very angry and annoyed. He was shouting: Why have you brought me here? What do you think I am? -- and many things, as drunken people do. Then the sergeant who was at the desk said: You have been brought here for drinking. He said: Then it is okay -- when do we start? A drunken man has his own interpretation; so he said: Then it is okay, beautiful, when do we start.
Your mind will interpret, and who will be a check on it? Who will tell you that this is your own mind again playing a trick? And your mind is so old, so ancient -- thousands of lives! It is so deep-rooted; who will shake you out of it?
Somebody who is not asleep like you is needed. That is the meaning of a Master, nothing else. But your mind says: I can do it on my own, no need. Then you have already chosen the Master -- your mind is your Master.
There are only two possibilities: either your mind is your Master, or you choose someone who is awakened. With the mind as your Master you're not going to grow at all. You are listening to the wrong source. Just because it is yours doesn't make any difference. Illness is also yours, but you go to a doctor and you leave it to him.
Krishnamurti has been saying that there is no need for a Master. He is right -- and absolutely wrong also. He is right because when you become awakened, you also know that there was no need, you were dreaming. When you become alert, dreaming stops, and then you can't feel what the need was.' It was just a dream, I could have shaken myself out of it.' But it is an afterthought. Even Krishnamurti needed Annie Besant and Leadbeater -- he had his own Masters.
It is an afterthought. When a thing happens, then you can always feel: I could have done it. But when it has not happened, you cannot even think because your thinking will also be a part of your dream.
A Master is needed when you are asleep. When you become awakened, you also will think a Master was not needed. Then for you, of course, the Master is not needed. But then many will be deluded because many egoists will surround you, as you will find. You cannot find anywhere else such a mass of egoists as you will find near Krishnamurti, because the moment the egoist hears that no Master is needed, he feels very happy. He says: Right! He always thinks he is the Ultimate; no need to surrender to anybody because ego resists surrender. And this man says that no Master is needed -- egoists feel very happy. Around Krishnamurti you will find all sorts of egoists because it seems very good, very convenient -- no need to surrender.
That is what the ego asks, that's what the ego always insists on -- no surrender. Because once you surrender, a foreign element enters you. That is the meaning of a Master. You say: Now I will not listen to my mind. I have listened enough and I have reached nowhere. I will not listen. Now I will listen to you. Something foreign has entered, something that was never in you before. A new element enters into you, and this new element becomes a crystallizing center.
Now, the mind will say: Do this! -- but you cannot listen to the mind, you have to listen to the Master. The mind will go on saying things for many years, but if you go on listening to the Master, by and by, the mind will feel tired. Now you don't listen to it, you don't feed it; the mind feels starved, it goes on shrinking. A moment comes when it falls dead -- it falls dead. In that very moment you become awakened.
What did these people do to this poor old man? They helped to create an illusion. The illusion was there, and it must have been very real because tears welled up.
THEY POINTED OUT A MOUND: THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S TOMB. HE COULD NOT HELP WEEPING ALOUD.
Your father will die someday, everybody has to die -- and you will weep and you will cry. Are you certain he was your father? -- or has somebody played a joke? How can you be certain that he was your father?
That is the difference between belief and faith; A woman knows who the mother is -- that is faith; and a father simply believes that he is the father but he doesn't know. There is no way of knowing it. Fatherhood is a belief, motherhood is a faith. Faith depends on knowing, belief depends on just believing. There is no base to it.
How do you know your father is real and not a joke played on you? But if he dies, whether it is a joke or not makes no difference. Tears well up; you cry and you shout. And if somebody comes and says: Don't be bothered much, he was not your father, suddenly there will be a change -- then your father is not dead. You live in your mind.
I have heard that a house was on fire and the owner was crying and weeping. He was going mad. Then somebody said: Why are you weeping and crying? I was present just yesterday and your son has sold the property. It is no longer yours. The man said: Yes Is it so? Tears simply disappeared, and he was enjoying the whole scene just like a spectator. Then somebody came and said: Yes, it was talked about. There was talk of selling it, but nothing has been decided. Why are you laughing and enjoying? It is your property. Again tears welled up. He started beating his chest and he said: I cannot live any more! This is my whole life, my whole life's effort. And then the son came and he said: Don't be bothered, everything is okay. The money has been given and the man is not aware at all. He lives in another town, he is not aware. The moment the house caught fire, I ran to the other town. Everything is finished; I have taken the money. Again the father began laughing and enjoying.
This is your world, this is how you are behaving -- just thoughts; just thoughts and then you cry and weep, just thoughts and then you laugh and enjoy, just thoughts and you are happy, just thoughts and you are miserable. Somebody tells you: You are beautiful -- and you are so happy; somebody says: You look ugly -- and you are so unhappy. Just words! What are you doing?
Become a little more alert, otherwise you will be very embarrassed. When death comes everybody is embarrassed. The whole life has gone to the dogs. As far as I know, at the moment of death there is less a fear and more an embarrassment. The whole thing is gone! You were thinking that your wife would go with you, because she always said: I cannot live without you, and she is already planning to get remarried.
Mulla Nasrudin's wife was dying and she said: Nasrudin, you must remember at least one thing. I know you will get married again, no point in denying it, don't try to deceive me. I know you will get married but you have to promise me one thing: don't give my clothes to any other woman. Nasrudin said: Never! I will never give them away -- and anyway, they will not suit Fatima, she is too thin. Already, everything is decided.
And you believed, and you wasted your life for children who don't belong to you, for a wife, for a husband, for money, for prestige. You destroyed your whole life, the whole opportunity.
One feels embarrassed at death. You may feel afraid of death right now, but when death comes, nothing can be done -- one accepts it. But then the whole life seems to be absurd, meaningless.
THE OLD MAN WAS VERY EMBARRASSED. WHEN HE REACHED YEN, AND REALLY SAW THE CAPITAL, AND THE SHRINE OF HIS QUARTER, AND HIS FATHER'S COTTAGE AND TOMB, HE DID NOT FEEL IT SO DEEPLY.
He learned something, he really learned something. He became a little more mature. What do these tears signify if they can come just by a projection? What is the meaning of all this feeling, emotion? And it was just a mound -- not his father's tomb, and he was crying. Now the real tomb is there, but what is the difference between a real tomb and an unreal tomb? They are both mounds -- somebody may be playing a trick. Even if nobody is playing a trick what difference does it make?
It was not his home, somebody played a trick; he felt so emotional and sentimental. This may be his home, but what is the difference? -- he learned.
This is the message of this story -- learn through experience. By and by, all sentimentality stops, drops. And remember one thing: sentimentality, not sensitivity, belongs to the mind. Sensitivity doesn't belong to the mind, sentimentality belongs to the mind. A man who is aware is absolutely sensitive, but not sentimental. There is a vast difference, an absolute difference.
What is sensitivity? -- sensitivity is not a projection. Sentimentality is a projection. If this old man had really been an awakened one, from the beginning he would not have bothered to go to the old town where he had been born, because that is sentimentality. What difference does it make where you were born? You are the one who is never born. He would not have been bothered about where his father lived, and where his father's tomb was. What difference does it make? The body comes from the earth and goes back to the earth -- dust unto dust. The body is not your father.
If the man had been aware you could not have played any trick on him. In the first place he would not bother, and even if passing through the town, somebody had said: This is your father's tomb, he would have said: It is okay, everybody dies. He would not have felt embarrassed. There would have been no problem. Sentimentality will always feel embarrassed.
A man of awareness is sensitive. 'Sensitive' means, if somebody is dying, he will serve. If somebody is dying and needs him, he will care. If somebody is dying he will share whatsoever he can share. There is no point in crying and weeping because you don't help that way.
One man is weeping because he is hungry, and you sit by his side and you also weep because you feel very much for that man -- this is sentimentality. Your weeping will not become bread for him, he will remain hungry. Instead of one man weeping in the world, now two men are weeping. You have doubled crying and weeping. It is not going to help. Do something!
A sensitive man will to something. A sentimental man will weep and cry, but a sentimental man will always be thought to be sensitive. A sensitive man will not look as sensitive, because he will be doing something. If someone is hungry he will try to find something for him to eat; if he is thirsty, he will go and fetch water. You will not see tears welling up, and you will not see him beating his chest, rolling on the ground saying: This man is hungry!
You will not be able to see he is sensitive because sensitivity is subtle. He cares -- the difference is subtle and delicate. A Buddha will not weep because you are in misery, he will help -- he will help you to come out of your misery. If you are in misery, a sentimental man becomes miserable himself. He will cry and weep and you will always feel that he loves you very much -- this is not love. He is as ill as you are. If he really cared, he would do something. He would try to change, try to transform you.
It happened: There was one woman whose only child had died. Buddha was in the town at that moment. The woman had only one child and her husband was already dead. Gautami was her name. So she started crying and weeping and she would not allow the neighbors to take the dead body, to burn it. She clung, she would not allow, and she carried the dead child all over the town asking people to help, to give some medicine. People said: Now nothing can be done, the child is dead. But she would not listen.
Then somebody suggested: Go to Buddha -- he is an awakened man, he can do a miracle. You go to him! So she ran there, and what did Buddha do? Not a tear came to his eyes. The woman must have felt that he was very hard; he had no heart. She said: Don't you have any heart? My child is dead, do something! -- just touch him and he will become alive. You are Enlightened, you are a god, you can do anything; just have mercy on me! Buddha said: I will do something, but you do one thing first. Leave the dead child here and you go into the town. The town is not very big, only three hundred people. Go and knock on every door and just ask them for one thing, because for the miracle I will need a few mustard seeds. But a condition has to be fulfilled -- the child will come back, but you have to bring mustard seeds from a house where nobody has ever died. In her misery the woman could not see the point.
When you are miserable, your eyes are filled with that you cannot see, you cannot think clearly. She ran. A dying man believes anything. A man who is drowning in a river even clings to So if a Buddha says to go....
She ran from one home to another; she knocked at every door. And people said: Woman, have you gone mad? -- mustard seeds we have, we can give them to you, the crop has just come. But we cannot fulfill the condition because many people have died in this house. She ran all over the town, all over the town, knocking at doors and asking, but in every family somebody had died. There was no family where life had not been destroyed by death.
By and by her tears dried -- she started to understand what Buddha meant. By the time she had completed the circle of the whole town, she was a different woman. She went to Buddha and Buddha asked: Have you brought the mustard seeds? She started laughing and she said: You played a trick, now initiate me into SANNYAS. I have come to understand that life is death. My child has died and you were really compassionate. Even if you had done a miracle and the child had become alive, it would not have led anywhere -- the child would have had to die again. It would not have been a real miracle and it would have deceived me further. You have made me aware that whosoever is born is going to die. The child has died, the child's father has died; I also am going to die sooner or later. Initiate me -- teach me that which never dies, teach me the deathless.
And she added: Forgive me, because I was unconscious. I said something to you which was not true; I said to you that you are hard, you are like a rock, that your heart is not a heart. But I know I was wrong. Not a single tear came to Buddha. He is not sentimental, he is sensitive.
When you are sensitive, only then can you help. If you are sentimental you create more mess. When a man understands, he becomes more and more sensitive -- he helps, he cares. And he will never feel embarrassed. A sentimental man will always feel embarrassed, because something is wrong. You also know when you are behaving in a foolish way, you also know.
WHEN HE REACHED YEN, AND REALLY SAW THE CAPITAL, AND THE SHRINE OF HIS QUARTER, AND HIS FATHER'S COTTAGE AND TOMB, HE DID NOT FEEL IT SO DEEPLY.
He has learned a little... and if this learning goes on and on and on, a moment comes when you see the Reality as it is. Then there is no misery because the whole mind has been dropped. Then you are face to face with the real. There is no happiness, no unhappiness, because both are projections of the mind. And when both disappear, there is peace; when both disappear, there is a bliss.
Don't misunderstand me -- bliss doesn't mean happiness; bliss means the absence of both happiness and unhappiness. Happiness will be disturbed by unhappiness, unhappiness will be disturbed by happiness they are polarities, the wheel is moving. Bliss is never disturbed; it is silence, it is peace, it is a tranquillity -- absolute peace. You have come to understand; now nothing disturbs.
Now you move in the world with no-mind, you move in the world with no projection. And then everything is beautiful. Not your beauty of course, because your beauty carries ugliness in it. Now everything is beautiful, but this beauty transcends both your beauty and your ugliness. All dualities are transcended.
Try to learn from every experience -- that is the only meditation. Don't allow any experience to just go down the drain -- learn something. Learning will remain with you. The experience will go, but learning will remain with you. And when an accumulation of understanding comes to a certain degree, there is an explosion.
It is just like when water is heated up to a hundred degrees: the water disappears and becomes a totally different thing. The quality changes, it evaporates. Ordinarily water flows downwards, but when it evaporates it starts moving upwards -- the dimension has changed.
You are like water. If you don't learn you will go on moving downwards. Learn! Learning is a heat, a seasoning, a maturity, a fire. Learn more and you create more fire within you; and then comes the moment of a hundred degrees -- and a jump. Suddenly, the downward dimension disappears -- you are moving upwards. You are moving higher and higher and higher, you have become a cloud.
This is possible only through experience; when experience becomes learning, and learning becomes understanding -- understanding is the essence. It is not a memory, it is just the very essence of all that you have known. You cannot explain your understanding to anybody, no. It is not knowledge, it cannot be given.
A Master has to create situations for you to learn, to understand, to gather a momentum, a fire.
You must have seen pictures of pyramids. They were made by very, very secret schools in Egypt. The word pyramid means 'fire within', and the pyramid is made in such a way that it accumulates energy. Just now scientists have become aware that the shape of a pyramid is a great accumulator of energy. Just the shape, just the triangular shape accumulates energy. They became aware of the phenomenon by accident. One scientist was working in the pyramid of Giza. While he was working, a dog entered, and he unknowingly closed the door and went away for a holiday. When he came after three weeks, the dog was found dead, but the body was mummified -- automatically. The dog was dead but the body was not deteriorating at all.
Then he tried many experiments on cats, mice, and he was surprised; Something miraculous is happening in the Giza! A body dies, it has to deteriorate.... Then he tried a small experiment: he made a small model pyramid, and put a mouse in it, and the mouse died and was mummified. The body didn't deteriorate.
Now they have made a patent in Germany -- they have made a cardboard pyramid for razor-blades. You shave your beard and put the razor in the pyramid; the next day it is automatically sharpened again and one single razor can do for a whole life-time.
The word 'pyramid' means fire within. The whole human body is like a pyramid. If you move deeper, you will come to understand that near the navel, an energy shape exists which is triangular. And near the navel, just inside the triangle, in the middle, there exists a fire.
It is a very, very tiny flame right now. If you learn more, and your learning becomes understanding -- you carry the essence of it -- you will feel a heat growing near the navel. In Japan they call it HARA. The heat grows, and as the heat grows near the navel, you start changing. A moment comes when you feel a burning fire near the navel; it becomes almost intolerable. And then suddenly, everything changes. At one hundred degrees your body becomes totally different.
The flow of the body is no longer downwards -- sex disappears, because sex is the downward flow. Suddenly the energy is going upwards. And then the energy reaches to the topmost peak of your being, the SAHASRAR, from where it enters into the Divine. So learn more, don't move unawares. Awareness is fire.
When Heraclitus says that fire is the root of all existence, he is right. He knows something -- fire is the root of all existence. Not the fire that you see; that fire is just one of the forms.
Understanding is like fire: it burns you completely; you as you are right now -- the ego, the mind. It gives you a different dimension: you become a cloud and you move in the sky. You have gained wings.
Don't allow any experience to go by without your learning something through it. Each single moment is valuable, learn something. When tomorrow comes and the sun rises, you should not be the same -- you must have learned. These twenty-four hours are valuable; you must learn.
And by learning, I don't mean that you should know more; you should understand more -- Even an ignorant person can be a very understanding person; ignorant in the sense that he is not educated, he doesn't know much. And a very educated person, an 'Oxford man', can be absolutely non-understanding, but he knows.
Can you feel the difference? Knowledge comes through memory, through mind. Understanding comes through experience, through existential experience, not through memory.
Next: Chapter 10: So Teng Died Standing On His Head
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