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WALKING IN ZEN, SITTING IN ZEN
Chapter 15: So Lost And So At Home
Question 10
Energy Enhancement Enlightened Texts Zen Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen
The tenth question
Question 10
OSHO,
IS THERE ANY SUCH THING AS A REAL MARRIAGE?
Sugata,
NEVER HEARD OF IT -- real marriage? There are real mirages but no real marriage! If it is real there is no need for marriage. The very need for marriage arises because there is fear. If you love a person you love a person; you can be together with the person. But there is constantly a fear that the other person may leave you, and the other person is also afraid that you may leave him or her. To make the future guaranteed, so that you cannot leave, so that the other cannot leave -- easily at least -- marriage was invented.
Marriage was invented only because love was missing. And if love is missing, how can the marriage be real? There is no need for marriage; if love is there, marriage is an unnecessary phenomenon. In a better world, where people will be more mature, they will be together because they love and they will keep each other free because, one never knows, love may disappear.
And that does not mean that the love was unreal and that that was why it disappeared. That too is a very wrong idea that has prevailed for centuries. We have been obsessed by wrong ideas and they are creating such trouble in our lives, and still we can't see their wrongness because they are so old and we have become so conditioned to them. If love disappears then we start thinking it was not real.
In fact, a real flower is bound to disappear by the evening; only the plastic rose flower will not disappear. The real rose flower blooms, opens up, dances in the wind, in the rain, in the sun, and by the evening is gone. That does not mean that it was unreal; in fact it was so real, that's why it appeared and disappeared. The plastic flower is so unreal that it does not appear and does not disappear, it remains; it is far more permanent.
Marriage is like a plastic flower; love is a real rose. And people are such cowards that they don't want to live with real roses. They are hankering after security, safety, guarantees, permanency so much that they are not ready to risk the real roses and they purchase plastic flowers. Of course those plastic flowers cannot satisfy you -- you will remain miserable.
Just one month ago Sagarpriya wrote to me: "Osho, what has happened? I have been here for two and a half years -- has something gone wrong because Bindu and I are still together?" I did not answer her question because I was afraid that if I answered it something would happen immediately. So I kept quiet -- and it has happened. Now I can answer because now I will not be thought responsible for it. Now Bindu wants to escape, but Sagarpriya is not going to leave him so easily. Just to escape from Sagarpriya he wants to go for a few weeks to America. Now Sagarpriya is following him; she also wants to go with him.
We don't allow each other freedom; we cling to the very end. We try every possible way. Even when everything disappears we go on clinging, we go on hoping against all hope. And the more we cling the more we destroy the possibility of love renewing itself again.
Now if Sagarpriya can allow Bindu to go and be there alone for a few weeks.... He needs his own space -- everybody needs it once in a while because love alone is not enough. Love is beautiful, but meditation is far more important. And meditation needs a deep aloneness; nobody should interfere. And only lovers can interfere in meditation because only lovers are so close. The marketplace does not interfere, the people who are not related to you cannot interfere, but the people who are very close, very intimate, can be a real disturbance. They don't allow you any space, and if you want to be alone they immediately start feeling that they are being rejected. You simply want your own space -- and everybody has a need, a tremendous need to have his own space.
But now Sagarpriya will follow him; if there is any possibility she will destroy even that. The best thing is to let him go, to say goodbye to him in a nice, beautiful, human way, with no grudge, with no complaint, with no quarreling. If you quarrel too much, if you make such a fuss, then people will start compromising, but compromise cannot fulfill you.
And remember, men are so tortured in the outside world, in the office, in the factory, in the shop, everywhere, that at least at home they want peace. For their peace they compromise. Hence almost all husbands become henpecked. And the problem is, no wife can love a henpecked husband, and every wife tries to henpeck her husband! This is how we create misery.
In the first place marriage is wrong. Marriage means clinging, legal clinging; you have legal support. You can force the person to the court, you can create so much financial trouble for him that he will think, "It is better to tolerate whatsoever is. And howsoever it is going I have become accustomed to it. Tolerate it." It is only a question of a few hours at night and then he escapes in the morning and finds a thousand and one excuses over time at the office, a party somewhere, or something else. He becomes a Rotarian, he becomes a member of the Lions Club; he finds ways and means to avoid. He starts drinking, so when he comes home he is so drunk he can't hear what the wife is saying, he does not know what is being done to him. But how can you love such a person? You hate such a person, but this is how you create the person.
And the man also is a clinger. This is a very strange thing: in each couple one is always a clinger. This is my experience of thousands of couples. It seems that one has to be a clinger -- either will do; either the wife or the husband, one has to be a clinger. Whosoever clings is miserable and the other is miserable because he has lost his freedom -- and you cannot be happy with a person who has lost his freedom.
Love is a meeting of two free individuals; it is not a marriage. Love does not need marriage. And if love disappears -- which is far more possible than it staying -- that does not mean it was unreal. The more real it is, the quicker it will disappear. The more intense it is, the quicker it will disappear because it will give you such ecstasy. And those peaks cannot be reached every day; it is bound to disappear.
But man does not want peaks of joy; rather he wants a smooth, comfortable, convenient, bourgeois life, which is almost not life at all but just vegetating. So people are vegetating together -- cabbages and cauliflowers vegetating together!
There is no real marriage, Sugata, there is only real love. All marriages are unreal. But to live a real love needs a really courageous heart. It needs that you should live moment to moment and you remain open for the tomorrow -- whatsoever surprises it brings it brings and you accept them. Even if your lover departs you have to be courageous enough to give him a beautiful goodbye. As beautifully as you say hello you have to say goodbye too, because he has given you such moments of joy that you have to be grateful to him.
Next: Chapter 15: So Lost And So At Home, Question 11
Energy Enhancement Enlightened Texts Zen Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen
| ENERGY
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GAIN ENERGY APPRENTICE
LEVEL1
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THE ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL
PROCESS
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THE KARMA CLEARING
PROCESS APPRENTICE LEVEL3
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MASTERY
OF RELATIONSHIPS TANTRA APPRENTICE LEVEL4
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