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ZEN

WALKING IN ZEN, SITTING IN ZEN

Chapter 4: A Question Of Being

Question 4

 

Energy Enhancement             Enlightened Texts             Zen            Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen

 

The fourth question

Question 4
OSHO, I'M IN VIPASSANA. TELL ME A JOKE!

Anand Sundardas,
I DO FEEL FOR YOU! Vipassana is really serious! Buddha invented it so that you can pass through hell on this earth and you need not go to the real hell. It is a process of cleansing you of all your past karmas. Better finish it! It is a torture because you don't know how to sit silently for so long. Your mind goes on thousands of trips. Sitting, sitting, sitting.... You feel sleepy and that is not allowed. And if you start dozing, a hit comes on your head - a really good hit to bring you back to your senses! You cannot escape either because I go on praising vipassana so much, saying that without vipassana there is no satori, no enlightenment.
So you say, "Okay, somehow I will pass through it. It is only a question of a few days. And one thing is certain: that many have survived, so there is no danger to life." Yes, your knees hurt and your body aches and you feel very restless and you are not allowed to move; you have to sit just like a Buddha-statue, doing a very stupid thing - watching your breath. Now what kind of thing is this for an intelligent man to do? And thousands of doubts arise: "What are you doing? Such a nice guy, sitting and watching your breath?" You would have made love to your girlfriend, you would have done a thousand and one things. And delicious foods appear . . . and it looks far better to sit in the Blue Diamond than to sit in zazen! "Why am I sitting here? What am I doing here?"
The mind goes on questioning you and there really seems to be no escape because it is all voluntary; nobody has forced you. Not only that - you have to pay for it! Have you ever heard of anybody paying to suffer in hell? But when you have to pay for it, then you think it is worth the suffering.

Mulla Nasruddin was saying that when he came to India for the first time, he was feeling very hungry. As he entered through the Himalayas he came across a man selling some strange fruit, very red, very beautiful. He asked the price. The man said, "Just two paise for the whole bucketful." So he purchased the whole bucket and then he started eating it - and it was fire! Tears were rolling down.
And a man was watching and he said, 'What are you doing? This is not a fruit. You will kill yourself ! This is a medicinal herb; it has to be taken only in very small amounts for particular diseases. What are you doing? You will go mad!"
He said, "Whatsoever happens, happens, but since I have paid two paise for it, I have to eat it!"
And he said, "I went on crying and tears went on flowing, but I finished it. I ate the whole bucketful of that nasty thing!"

When you pay, then you cannot escape. And we don't leave any loopholes; we make every effort so that nobody can escape.

The man was in jail for rape, murder, kidnapping and blackmail.
The lawyer said, "I found a loophole in your case. According to Abramovitz vs. Arcaro, January 6, 1911: Book III, Section II, page 6, paragraph 13, I think I've got the answer. Don't worry, I'll get you out. Just leave it to me. Now I'm leaving for Washington on Monday and I'll be back Friday. Meanwhile - try to escape!"

We don't leave any loopholes in the first place. There is no possibility to escape either, because whenever somebody escapes from Vipassana I send him back again. Vipassana has to be suffered for the simple reason that it makes you encounter yourself, it forces you to encounter yourself - your fidgetiness, your restlessness, your ugliness, your madness. It forces you to see all the rubbish that you are carrying within yourself. And that is one of the most essential steps to go beyond.
If you want to go beyond anything, first you have to encounter it. Without encountering it there is no transcendence. There is no shortcut, there is no way of bypassing it.
It is not that Buddha is a sadist and he is trying to torture you; he is simply making you aware of what you are. And you can never become aware if you remain occupied in your day-to-day business, in your day-today engagements. You are so engaged from morning till night that you don't have any time, any space to look within, to feel yourself, to see who you are, where you are, what you are doing.
Vipassana forces you - there is nowhere to go. You have to watch your breath, you have to look at your thoughts day in, day out.
After the seventh day, something starts settling. If you persist, if you persevere, if you are patient enough, your body learns to settle, your mind learns to settle, your breathing becomes calm and cool, almost invisible. But you can feel that something has changed; the climate is different: you are not fidgety, you are not restless. And suddenly, as if the sun had risen, all that neurotic fight disappears. The hell is over. A great peace descends on you, the silence that comes after the storm and everything seems to be clean, very clean, spotlessly pure, innocent, as if a layer of dust has disappeared from your consciousness. Your consciousness seems to be transparent. You can see for the first time the green, the red, the gold of the trees. You can hear for the first time the song of the birds - as if something which was in your ears blocking them and something which was in your eyes like a curtain has disappeared. Suddenly you feel light, very light.
It is said: Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. You suddenly feel like light, so full of light and so light, that you can fly, almost fly. Gravitation has disappeared. You have entered into a different world: the world of grace.

And then, Sundardas, you will know a different quality of laughter arising in you. It will not be painted on the lips, it will be coming from your depth. And you will be laughing for no reason at all; you will be laughter. That is Zen laughter - unmotivated, out of sheer joy, out of sheer delight, out of sheer insight into things.
Yes, you need a beautiful joke!

After a day of long discussions at the World Religions Conference in Geneva, Rabbi Zuckerman found himself seated at the same dinner table as Father O~alley.
The rabbi was partaking of koshered veal, while the priest was cutting into a thick slice of ham.
"Would ya like to try some of this ham, Rabbi?" asked the priest. "It's really good!"
"Ach, no," replied Rabbi Zuckerman, "it is against our religion."
"Ah, but it's so delicious! Are ya sure ya wouldn't like a taste?"
"Thank you, no," said the rabbi. "Since the time of Abraham, the flesh of the swine has been regarded as unclean by our people, and pork in all its forms is forbidden to us."
"Ah! Ya don't know what you're missin', Rabbi," said the priest, shoving down another mouthful of ham.
"Ach! But you have not tasted the gefiltefish that my wife makes, Father. How about your wife, Father? Is she a good cook?"
"Ah... well, Rabbi, that I cannot say, for I am not married."
"Not married? So what do you do for a screw?"
"For a... what?~
"I mean - where do you get your sex?"
"Sex?!" said the priest. "Alas, Rabbi, in my religion it is forbidden unto us, the servants of Our Lord, to partake of the ways of the flesh."

"You mean - you've never had sex?" asked the rabbi. "No, I have not!" replied the priest. "Oho! You ought to try it... it's better than pork!"

 

 

Next: Chapter 4: A Question Of Being, Question 5

 


Energy Enhancement             Enlightened Texts             Zen            Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen

 

 

Chapter 4:

 

 

 

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